


Can’t We Be Seventeen?

by Kysterion



Category: South Park
Genre: Bullying, But Kenny won’t because yeah, But also my old version of this from ff.net, Butters is not pure but he doesn’t deserve this, Calm the fuck down Leslie, Cartman is a mythic bitch, Craig and Clyde are assholes, F/M, Heathers AU, Jd!Kenny, K2 - Freeform, Kyle wants Kenny to call the fuck down, M/M, Murderer, Past creek, Rape Attempt, South Park Heathers au, Suicide Attempt, Tweek is worth protecting, Veronikyle, and everyone else too - Freeform, based on Stah-l speathers posts, wrow, yeah Heathers deals with triggering topics just a heads up
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-22
Updated: 2019-02-12
Packaged: 2019-08-06 04:01:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 22,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16381019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kysterion/pseuds/Kysterion
Summary: Kyle never expected to prove Cartman right on a comment he made years ago.He also didn’t expect to fall in love with Kenny.What he really didn’t expect was having the blood of three people on his hands.





	1. Beautiful

**Author's Note:**

> This is based off of Stah-l’s speathers posts on Tumblr(follow them). It’s also a rewrite of the version of this story I posted on fanfiction.net. Keep in mind some stuff will be different from the musical, as I want to have some sort of canon in here. I hope you enjoy!

Four boys standing in the cold, waiting for a yellow vehicle to pull up. Two of them do nothing but argue. Back and forth, back and forth; the insults are just hurled one after another. Eventually, the third one tells one of them, his closest friend, that he’s not worth it. He reluctantly agrees, making the other boy smirk.

“Need your boyfriend to hold you back Kahl?” Of course, the boy who was just calmed down by his friend blows a fuse.

“Shut up Cartman!” The third one sighs as they go off on each other once more. He doesn’t bother trying to stop them.

The fourth boy rolled his eyes and took out a porn magazine, ignoring the banter. He tried his best to focus on the curvy figures of the women on every single page, but he couldn’t. Not after what his parents had told him and his siblings last night.

“Kids, we have some wonderful news. We’re finally leaving this bitch of a town.”

“Really? When?” his brother had asked.

“Friday. We start packing tomorrow. Don’t tell any of your friends, you understand me? This is top secret.”

He didn’t know how to feel about that.

He turned his attention to the first two boys. It was no surprise that they were still at each other’s throats. The smaller one grit his teeth, shoving his finger in the chubby boy’s chest. “You think you’re the greatest thing to happen to this planet, but you put Satan to shame! Why can’t you just understand that you aren’t the shit, that you aren’t the best, and that no one will ever consider you a ruler or tyrant or whatever you want and respect your fucking authority!” There was awkward silence for a moment, making the two bystanders wonder if someone had finally gotten to the notorious sadist of South Park.

They were wrong. Said sadist began to laugh hysterically out of the blue, to the point where he dramatically fell to the floor, wiping tears from his eyes. This made the boy angry. “Why are you laughing Fatass?” he yelled.

His rival sat up with a smirk, “Kyle, you naïve little bitch.” He stood up, trying his best to shake off the snow on his backside. The other narrowed his eyes.

“What?”

He kept his composure when his shoulders were firmly grabbed by bright yellow gloves. The pudgy boy in front of him gave a yellow, crooked grin. It was disgusting, not to mention unnerving.

“Let’s be honest here Kahl,” he started, “one of these days you’re going to be at my mercy. You’ll be following me around like a lost puppy because I swear on my mom’s life that you will lose the friendships you have, respect, admiration; you will be nothing. And guess who will bring you back to the top when that happens? Me, that’s who. After that, you’ll be doing what I say like a little bitch.”

The ginger laughed, making the boy feel even cockier than before. He was in denial, he thought, that made all of this even better. He smirked, “Yeah right, keep dreaming Fatass.”

It was funny how right his enemy was.  
——————————————————————  
He stared out the window, watching the houses run down the street. Green, white, whatever, the color didn’t matter. All of them were doing the same thing as his mom’s foot lied on the gas pedal. Some would stop when she lifted it up, but they followed the rest after a minute or so. He rolled his eyes; figures he of all people saw the a representation of society in people’s homes.

His father smiled at his son through the rear view mirror. “So Ike ready for seventh grade?” He looked at his younger brother. It was true that he was a genius; the kid knew concepts that most people started understanding in college. As a result, he was put in school early. He never skipped any grades, but he was going one of the few ten year olds who graduated early. The elder child couldn’t help but feel envy; not even he accomplished that.

Ike moaned loudly. “No, I’m really not. Why am I in seventh grade when I could be graduating high school already?” he grumbled, pulling up his baby blue hoodie and pulling the two white strings on it.

“Oh it’s not so bad sweetie,” Sheila Broflovski assured him, “remember that you’ll be the only ten year old graduating from eighth grade next year!” Kyle could smell the cocky smile forming on Ike’s face. He snickered; his brother was one egotistical fucker.

He perked up at his mom’s voice. “Speaking of graduation, Bubbeh, are you excited for senior year? It’s finally your year to shine!” He sighed gently.

“I guess…”

He could hear her clicking her tongue disapprovingly. “You know Kyle, I expected you to be more excited. You’re going to college soon! Did any of them respond by the way?”

Kyle recalled filling his applications for Harvard, Duke, and Brown over the summer. It took him awhile, but after reviewing each and every bit carefully, showing Tweek his essays twice, then redoing them all because of one small piece criticism(“Pretty sure-GAH! Pretty sure that’s supposed to be whom-ngh! Whom not who.”), he pressed submit, feeling nothing but pride. Soon, he could say goodbye to this town and the assholes residing in it. It would be ivy-covered walls and smoky French cafés as soon as one of them replied.

He smiled, “Not yet. I’m confident I’ll get in one of them though.”

“That’s good; confidence is key,” Gerald Broflovski responded. Sheila pulled over, giving Kyle his cue to walk out. He gave his brother a quick hug and pecked his parents on the cheek, rushing out of the car with his stuff afterwards. “Have a good day at school Kyle!” his dad called out. He waved goodbye as they drove off.

Kyle pushed the door open, hoping to see something different. Perhaps the kids here finally grew up. Maybe they were being nice to each other. It was possible that-

“Can you leave me alone you Star Wars freak?” a girl seethed at Kevin Stoley. He rushed off, making Kyle sigh.

Nah, the atmosphere was still more toxic than the dinner table when someone brought up politics. He frowned, taking out his diary and pen from his backpack. The ink graced the previously empty page with its presence as Kyle walked around.

September 1, 2018

Dear diary,

I believe I’m a good person. You know, I believe that there’s good in everyone. For you see, that thought restores my faith in humanity, along with ihatebananas.com. But then I look around this place and all I see is..what’s the word?

He cringed at the sound of someone being shoved against a locker. Kyle looked up and saw Red Tucker going head to head with Wendy Testaburger, who was leaning against the cold metal box. “Just shut up for once Testicle-burger! I don’t want to hear you give me shit today!” she yelled. Wendy growled and pushed her back.

“No Red, you shut up! You and I know damn well that you need to take some of my advice! I’m trying to help you!” He looked back at his journal, attempting to ignore the screaming in the background.

Oh yeah, assholes.

What ever happened to us anyways? I remember the good old days where popularity didn’t matter. You weren’t judged for every little thing you said or done, people treated each other nicely(aside from the occasional cooties), and your biggest worry was getting a yellow or red face on your behavior chart at the end of the day instead of green. But now? Everyone is focused on their position in the social hierarchy. And they will do anything, anything, to rise up or stay where they are.

He looked back at up, realizing trust Wendy and Red we’re still at it. Wendy stuck up Craig’s favorite finger. “Slut!”

“Bitch!”

“Burnout!”

“Poser!”

“Cunt!”

“Your man liked mine way better than your dry vagina!”

“Oh it’s on!” He sighed.

I miss innocence.

But you know what? We were once beautiful. And I know that with a littlelot of work, we can change again. Just like we did back then.

His hopes and dreams were seemingly shattered by the sight of Red falling on her ass while Wendy stormed off. He wrote one more thing before walking over.

Just not today.

“Hey are you ok?” he asked, holding out his hand. She grimaced and slapped his hand away. He yelped and held it, watching Red stand up somewhat menacingly. She got in his face.

“I don’t need your help. Just leave me alone you space dyke.” She went in the same direction as Wendy, probably to fight her again. Not that this was anything new.

He narrowed his eyes, calling out, “You don’t have to be a bitch about it!” He let out a scoff; the nerve of some people. You try to help them out, show genuine concern, and all you get is a punch in the dick.

This was going to be a long year.  
——————————————————————  
Lunch time wasn’t any better. In fact, he regretted not hiding in the bathroom until the bell rang after the whole incident.

Here’s how it went: he walked into the cafeteria, heading straight for the lunch line as always. Grabbing a tray from the space under the counter, he looked around the room. It was a bit calmer than usual, maybe things would go right for the rest of the day.

Oh how dreadfully wrong he was.

He saw a tall boy walking down the lunch line, greeting any jock or cheerleader he passed with a pat on the back. He ignored anyone that wasn’t on that step or higher; typical. That wasn’t the case for Kyle, however. When he got to him, he raised his hand and hit the boy’s lunch tray like he was in a martial arts test or something.

“Oops,” he responded monotonously. Kyle picked up his tray without any form of objection. He watched as the jock walked away while flipping him off, making him frown.

Craig Tucker, the football team’s linebacker. His position in the social ladder? Step two. He wasn’t as good at football as Kyle’s ex-Super Best Friend Stan Marsh, but he was just as, if not more, popular than him. This was Craig’s third year of linebacker.

“It was also his eighth year of smacking down lunch trays and being a huge dick.”

He suddenly found Craig towering over him. He grabbed his collar and pulled him up. Although his expression hadn’t changed, Kyle felt that the next words he said determined whether he would go to college or retake the SATs in Hell(Yeah, he knew he wasn’t going to the other place.). “What did you say to me Jew?” he asked in threatening tone.

Oh shit, he said that out loud, didn’t he?

He smiled at Craig, “Nothing, just talking about how much of an amazing football player you are.” He was given the classic shove to the wall with a side of eye rolling and a small sized remark. Good, he got out easy.

“Suck up,” Craig muttered, “Clyde, where are you?”

When the bully disappeared, he could finally breathe. Figures he nearly got himself killed. He bent down to pick up his lunch tray, but a smaller, bony hand picked it up for him instead. He looked up and smiled, “Thanks Tweek.”

“No-GAH! No problem!”

Tweek Tweak, his best friend ever since Kyle’s old group had a falling out in seventh grade. His position in the social ladder? Along with Kyle, he was on the second to last step. He wasn’t a no body, but he wasn’t a somebody either, not to a student who wasn’t Kyle. The sad thing was that once you got over the twitching and paranoia, you’d find that Tweek was an absolute sweetheart. He didn’t deserve the shit he got.

Tweek grabbed a tray of his own, cutting in front of the person behind Kyle. Tuning out their complaints, he asked, “We on-GAH! On for movie-AHH! Movie night?” Kyle grabbed a plate of bootleg spaghetti sitting on the counter, lookin at the plate in disgust. “Uh, Kyle?”

“Hm? Oh yeah! You’re on Jiffy Pop detail. Did you rent a movie?”

“Yeah! The Princ-AGH! The Princess Bride!”

Kyle snickered, “Again? Don’t you have it memorized by now?” He laughed at the punch he got in the arm.

“Shut up! I’m a-AHH! I’m a sucker for a happy ending,” he said with a smile. Kyle snickered, then looked behind his friend. He could see Craig talking to a chubby jock just a bit shorter than the raven. He gestured over to the two of them, probably telling his friend what Kyle said. He gulped when Craig’s friend walked towards them. He stopped at Tweek, eyeing him up and down. Tweek trembled under his gaze, shaking more than a bobble head caught in an earthquake. Eventually, he spoke.

“Twitchy Tweek,” he yelled, “wide load!” Tweek yelped at the sight of his food hitting the ground. The lunch murderer laughed maniacally, pissing both Kyle and Tweek off.

Clyde Donovan, center. Position in the social ladder? He shared step two with his best friend, Craig. To make of for his lack of brains, he had a whole lot of brawn. Sometimes Kyle wondered if he and Craig sucked each other off every weekend. He sure as hell knew that he wasn’t the first to think that.

Speaking of which, the two of them were laughing their asses off. Tweek growled and bent down to pick up his food, but Kyle put his arm in front of him. “I’ll handle this,” he said, pushing Tweek’s protesting to the side. He looked at Clyde, “Hey! Pick that up, right now.”

The room grew silent. Clyde scoffed, “I’m sorry, are you actually talking to me?” He sweat, practically feeling the stares of his peers groping all over. Every pair of eyes made him shrink, and all of his confidence was punched in the face by a bigger, stronger emotion: nervousness. He gulped, shaking as he responded to Clyde’s question.

“Yes I am, what gives you the right to pick on my friend? You’re nothing but a high school has-been waiting to happen. A future gas station attendant. You think you’re gonna make it just because you’re popular? Think again asshole.” He couldn’t help but feel pride when it was all over. Especially when Clyde stood there in subtle shock, not saying anything. He smirked, “Looks like you got the point.”

“No, I was just looking the zit you’ve got right there.”

The cafeteria burst into laughter, with the exception of Tweek, who stared at Kyle pitifully. Kyle shook his head and looked at his small blonde friend. “Kyle? Are you ok?” he asked.

He rubbed his temple, “Yeah, I just need a break. I’ll meet you in a few.” Tweek nodded and went to their usual table.

He scribbled a quick forgery for a hall pass and left.  
——————————————————————  
“I fucking hate this place,” he muttered angrily as he stormed towards the bathrooms. As he neared his destination, he swore he could hear faint vomiting in the background, along with a loud groan.

“Grow up Leslie, bulimia is dead.”

“Oh Eric, d-don’t say that. N-now Leslie, you should go see a doctor. They’ll help you with your problem.”

“Yes Leo, maybe I should.”

Wait a minute, Leslie, Eric, Leo? Could it be? He peeked around the corner, yup. Outside of the girls bathroom were two members of “The Holy Trinity”. The third one was presumably inside. They were the best of the best, the rulers of the jungle, the ones at the top. They called themselves Cartman and his bitches. Not a very good name, but he didn’t choose it.

First up, Leopold “Butters” Stotch. Commonly referred to as Butters by residents of South Park, he was the most naive person you will ever meet. He is also the only male cheerleader, and yet he does better than the rest of the girls on the squad. He was flexible, energetic, and cheery; no wonder he was the captain.

Next, Leslie Myers. She was the most robotic person in the world. It’s like she’s an AI or something. Aside from her lacking personality, Leslie was the head of the yearbook committee. Oh yeah, and she got implants last year.

Finally, there was the almighty. Eric Theodore Cartman. He became popular by blackmailing students, including Kyle. He wasn’t kind, in fact, he was far from that.

He was a mythic bitch.

But Kyle knew that deep down, they were people he wanted to be like. They were solid teflon; never bothered, never harassed. If Cartman could just give him a chance, he could finally be free from this hell filled with bullying and disrespect. People would stop pushing him and Tweek around.

Maybe that was where this all started, his desire to be left in peace.

Or maybe it was when he walked on over to Butters and Cartman.

He felt himself brimming with confidence as he neared his old friends(or whatever the hell Cartman was.). Cartman snickered, “Well, well, well, if it isn’t a filthy Jew. Tell me Kyle, have you come here to remove the sand out of your vagina? Or are you gonna jack off to the thought of the meth addict you’re so fond of?”

At that moment, memories of one of the most unforgettable clashes he had with Cartman washed into his head. They were arguing as usual, he called him out, and Cartman responded with a scenario that would come true if he didn’t withdraw himself from the scene. By doing this, he was proving his childhood enemy right. And yet, he still held out his hand and said, “Actually, Fatass, I’m here because I crave a boon.”

“Ok then, what boon?”

“Let me sit with you guys at lunch just once, no talking necessary. If people think you guys tolerate me then they’ll leave Tweek and I alone.” Butters and Cartman chuckled at his proposal. The brunette placed his hand on Kyle’s shoulder, just like he did all those years ago.

“Could it be? Is Kyel Brothflo-”

“Kyle Broflovski.”

“Whatever. Could it be that the filthy Jew is surrending? Did you finally realize that I’m more powerful than you? That I do indeed have authoriteh?” Kyle didn’t answer, not realizing that he was just rubbing his loss all over Cartman’s ego. He laughed, “Wow! That silence speaks volumes! Well I hate to break it to you Khal, but I just wanted to see you at your weakest. I refuse to let a filthy Jew in my team.” Kyle frowned as he felt confidence being beat down again, only this time by regret, shame, humiliation, and anger.

Butters was laughing like the suck up he was. But he stopped when he heard the familiar sound of heels coming from around the corner. He nudged Cartman. “U-uh Eric. I hate to interrupt but I reckon those heel belong to Vice Principal Strong..a-and she’s got a real stick u-up her ass. Do you know what I’m saying?”

Cartman rolled his eyes, “I know Strong’s a bitch but relax Butters. Leslie got a pass from Lester. Leslie!” He snapped his fingers, reminding Kyle of a Hollywood director. A fat, demanding director that pissed everyone off, but they did as told anyways. Leslie stopped making herself vomit and stepped out.

“Have I been called?”

“Yes you have. Can you show Butters the pass so he can quit being a little bitch?”

She looked at her empty hands and showed them off like they were some sort of exhibit. “It appears that I have dropped the pass Mr.Lester gave me.”

“God dammit Leslie! I swear, you can’t do anything right..”

“I apologize Eric.”

“Whatever,” he turned to Kyle. “Tell you what Jew, you get us out of trouble, and I’ll think about it.” Kyle thought of possible solutions. They could run in like pussies, but they wouldn’t live with themselves after that. They could pull a lie out of their ass, but Cartman was the only one who knew how to plant a good lie. Kyle was an awful actor, Butters was constantly tripping on his guilt, and Leslie..well..

Let’s just say she corrects you on the most menial mistakes.

He finally thought up of something that not even an idiot could mess up. Quickly, he added their names to his “hall pass.” Looking at Leslie and Butters, he instructed, “Don’t say shit, ok?” They nodded and watched as Vice Principal Strong rounded the corner. She sped-walked over once she saw what could be considered loitering.

“Why aren’t you in the cafeteria?”

“We’re using a hall pass ma’am,” Cartman answered innocently.

She held out her hand, shifting the spotlight over to Kyle. He gave her the pass, explaining as she looked it over, “The four of us. Yearbook committee.”

“I see you’re all listed..” she gave it back, “hurry up and get where you’re going.” Kyle smiled as she went on her way. He had to admit, he was feeling a bit cocky. Especially since nothing got past their vice principal.

Cartman scoffed at the obvious pride on his face. “Don’t be stroking your own penis now Jew, you just got lucky. But we do need someone with your skills on the team..” He grabbed his chin and tilted it up slowly, examining the entirety of his face. “I never really noticed this Kahl, and I know this sounds super faggy, but you’ve got good bone structure. Not bad for a dirty Jew.”

He was about to give a somewhat angry response when Butters got really close to his face. He traced his finger straight down the middle. “Uh, what are you doing and why?”

“I’m examining your symmetry. A-and oh my Kyle, you have a very symmetrical f-face! Why, if I were to take a meat cleaver down the center of your face, I’d have matching halves! That’s v-very important, don’t ya know?”

“Of course, you could stand to lose a few pounds,” Leslie added. “But I think we can all agree that Kyle Broflovski would make an excellent member of Cartman and his..bitches.”

Their leader laughed, “Speak for yourself! I’d rather not have Kyel of all people in my team, but he’s better than you Leslie.” He snapped his fingers, “Get your brush you personality-lacking whorebot. And Butters, get that blue blazer that’s in my locker. I will explain our rules to our new member here. However, this is only if Kahl accepts. So what do you say Jew, want to be on top again?”

He’s winning by a mile Kyle, don’t say-

“Ok.”

God dammit Kyle.  
——————————————————————  
After a few minutes of brushing, explaining, dressing, and nausea, he was finally done. He took a look at himself in the mirror Butters handed. “What do you think?” Cartman asked.

How could he put this into words?

They somehow managed to tame his curls despite the disaster he called his Jewfro. His face was smooth all the way. His plain old everyday outfit was replaced by a more elegant blue blazer and grey shorts.

He was beautiful.

“Meh,” Kyle responded. He held back a snicker when he saw the annoyed look on Cartman’s face. He knew that it was something he would have to deal with for a long time.

Or so he thought.

Ladies and gentlemen, prepare yourselves for something Kyle likes to call his personal hell. To this day, he couldn’t forget anything. No matter how hard he tried, no matter how much others helped, he couldn’t let it go.

Prepare yourselves for the most twisted form of romance you might ever see.


	2. Fight For Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An old friend comes back to South Park and Kyle is love struck.

_ September 22, 2018 _

 

_ Dear diary, _

 

_ It’s been three weeks since I became friends with...Cartman and his bitches. God, what was Fatass thinking, honestly? _

 

_ Whatever, I’m one of his bitches now. _

 

_ To be honest, I don’t consider them my friends. It’s more like they’re my coworkers and our job is being popular and shit. I’ve been so busy lately and I honestly just hate it. _

 

_ Speaking of being busy, I should probably apologize to Tweek for bailing on movie night last Friday. There was a lot going on and I couldn’t go in the end. I’ve been feeling guilty ever since. _

 

_ I got to go now, but I’ll write some more later. _

 

He shut his diary and saw Tweek walking up to him. “Hey Tweek! How are you?” His friend smiled.

 

“Good, GAH!” He eyed Kyle up and down, noticing for the one millionth time how different he looked. His signature ushanka was hiding somewhere in the dark, along with his orange baggy coat and ripped skinny jeans. “You know Kyle,  you really do look-ngh! Look beautiful these days.”

 

He chuckled, “Thanks, but it’s still me underneath all this. I will always be the short, spitfire nerd known as Kyle Broflovski.”

 

“Are you sure about that…?” Tweek asked somewhat bitterly.

 

“Oh, that reminds me! Sorry for bailing on movie night last week..there’s just been a lot going on,” he explained. Tweek didn’t feel as rancid as he previously was, understanding Kyle’s situation entirely.

 

“No I get it! You’re with-GAH! With Cartman now! That’s exciting!” They smiled at each other.

 

Their conversation was interrupted by Leslie. She placed her hand on his shoulder.“Kyle, Cartman says to haul your ass to the table, pronto.” He rolled his eyes, gesturing towards the smaller blonde in front of them.

 

“Can it wait? I’m kind of in the middle of something. I have a life too, believe it or not,” he remarked.

 

“I believe pronto means as soon as possible.”

 

He groaned and smiled apologetically at his friend, “I’ll see you later.” Tweek watched as his friend was dragged away by the head of the yearbook committee. He sighed, wondering if things would ever go back to normal.

 

He didn’t like this change.

 

Leslie lead him to their usual spot, the table middle of the cafeteria. He approached Butters and Cartman with dull eyes. “Ok, what do you want?” he asked.

 

Cartman handed him a blank piece of paper and a pen. “Alright Kahl, I need you to write a forgery in Craig Tucker’s handwriting,” he explained, “you’ll need something to write on. Leslie, do something useful for once and bend over.” Ignoring the fact that there were tables everywhere, Leslie followed the orders she was given. Kyle placed the paper on her back. 

 

“Good, now write down as I say,” he cleared his throat, “Hey handsome, I’ve been watching you from afar.” He grew more suspicious by the minute. It didn’t help that he could hear Butters and even Leslie giggling. “I’ve tried so hard, but I can never forget our history. So please, come to my homecoming party. It will be better with _you_ in it. Craig. Oh, and put a little xoxo before his name!”

 

He folded the paper neatly and handed it over, “What’s this for anyways?”

 

Cartman snickered and leaned in, “I just found out that Craig used to hang out with _Twitchy_ _Tweek_.” Kyle frowned at the tone of excitement and amusement in his voice.

 

“First of all, don’t call him that. Second, so what if they hung out? We all did.”

 

Leslie cut in, “Correct, but we didn’t all kiss on the kickball field.” Butters made a gagging motion at the thought, making Kyle roll his eyes for what seemed like the one millionth time. For the most popular kids in school, they sure were childish.

 

“Ok, but that doesn’t answer my question.”

 

“You’re too busy letting the sand flow in your vagina to let us finish,” Cartman retaliated, “you see, I thought it would be hilarious to trick that spaz into thinking that he was invited to Craig’s party next week. And thanks to you, our plan can go into action.” Before Kyle could say anything, Cartman called the jock over and handed the note to Butters.

 

He gulped when Craig and Clyde walked over. “Yeah?” Craig asked. Butters got really close to him and looked up with puppy eyes. He noticed the light blush on that emotionless face.

 

“C-can you please give this note right here to Tweek?” Clyde laughed as Craig grabbed the note.

 

He slowly walked away with the note, “Since when do you talk to that freak?”

 

Without thinking, Kyle rushed over and snatched the note from Craig’s hand. He smiled, “I’ll take care of it Craig, just go and do whatever it was you were doing.” He tilted his head and shrugged off the strange behavior. When the two jocks walked away, he felt like he could breathe again. But not for long.

 

Cartman spun him around violently. “What do you think you’re doing?”

 

Kyle sighed, “Look, we can’t do this, not to Tweek. He’s had a crush on Craig for years, this would destroy him. So I’m just gonna throw this ou-“

 

“Are we gonna have a problem?” Cartman asked between humorless laughs, “because uh, you have everything now, Jew. I brought you back to the top, and what are you wasting it on? A coffee-addicted spaz who lacks any form of sanity? I have a better idea Kahl, how about you stop pulling on my _DICK_?” He pushed Kyle, putting an emphasis on those words.

 

Kyle shoved the note in his pocket, scowling at the boy in front of him. “Yeah, no. I’m not letting you hurt him.”

 

“Why Kyle?” Butters asked, “he’s not that important. A-and as long as we’re being honest, what if he had the chance you have? I b-bet that he’ll leave you to rot without even thinking about it.”

 

He imagined what would happen if Tweek had this blazer. If he was the one with a hopeless crush on a jock he kissed in kindergarten. If he was the one everyone but his best friend hated. Kyle knew that Tweek wouldn’t leave him behind, no matter what.

 

So why was he thinking about Butters’s point so much?

 

Leslie cut in, “Of course, if you don’t mind, go fix his hair. Maybe watch that show with the puppets living on that street.”

 

“Leslie you dumb bitch that’s Sesame Street.”

 

“Pardon my mistake Eric.”

 

Cartman scoffed and looked at Kyle. “Oh, and one more thing, you can live the dream, or you can die alone. You can join us, or keep on bitching. You can fly with eagles or keep on testing me. And if you do, I will make sure that you end up like that friend of yours. Capiche?” 

 

He stared at him for a moment before handing the note over. He smirked, “Good Jew. Butters, slip this onto that squirrel’s lunch tray. Make sure he doesn’t see you.” Kyle watched as Butters walked behind Tweek, who was making his way over to an empty table in the corner. His arm slipped through the gap in between Tweek’s arm and body, and the note was softly placed on his tray. Butters rushed back to the middle of the cafeteria, where they had their eyes glued on Tweek.

 

The blonde sat down and reached for his sandwich but noticed the folded piece of paper. He opened it up slowly. Kyle’s heart dropped as he saw the smile forming on his face as he read the note.

 

It wasn’t long before Tweek rushed over to the four of them. “Kyle, look! Craig invited me to his homecoming party!” he gushed, showing Kyle the note like it was a trophy. “I told you something was still there. This proves he’s been thinking about me!”

 

He frowned, “Tweek-“

 

“Yes?”

 

Kyle turned around and looked at Cartman. Though he was smiling, all you had to do was look into his eyes and you could see the social murderer he was planning. He whipped his head around and grinned nervously, “Color me stoked!”

 

Tweek giggled, “I’m so happy!” He skipped back to the table, waving at Craig when he passed by him and Clyde. He was ignored, but kept his chirpy attitude nonetheless. 

 

Kyle, feeling ashamed of himself, kept looking at his friend. He claimed to care about him so much, yet he exchanged him for some approval points. He was such a bad person.

 

Cartman smirked, “Nice to see that you’re following through on the whole bitch thing. You stepped into my candy store Kyle, you can’t leave without paying the price.” He walked off with Leslie and Butters, leaving Kyle alone.

 

He sighed, what did he just do?

 

“Wow, I never thought you of all people would prove Fatass right.” He turned around and was met with a tall blonde. He had milky white skin, crystal blue eyes, a lanky figure, and a black trench coat. He had to admit, the guy was pretty hot. But he seemed so familiar..

 

Kyle stared at him for a brief moment before blushing a deep red. “ _KENNY_?” he yelled in surprise. Kenny smirked.

 

“The one and only. I’m back in town and ready for action. But I see that a lot has changed.” He examined Kyle and his clothing. “And I mean _a_ _lot_. For example, you’re leaving Tweek behind for a life of fame and glory.” The red head looked down in shame as his old friend continued, “the Kyle I know wouldn’t do that to anyone.”

 

“I know, I know...But you can scold me later. Where’d you run off to all those years ago? We were worried sick..”

 

He smirked, “Top secret information babe.” He blushed at the nickname he was given. Kenny turned around and walked away, making Kyle panic.

 

“Wait Kenny!”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Maybe we can catch up sometime..? You missed a lot..”

 

“...I’ll think about it.” 

 

With that, he walked away.  _ Jesus,  _ Kyle thought,  _ puberty hit him like a truck. _ He could feel his heart racing and his blood rushing to his cheeks. For the first time in forever, those things weren’t from running too much or being angry. They were from a cliche, childish event known as having a small crush.

 

Little did he know the two pairs of eyes that lingered on him. Clyde bit the inside of his cheek, “Aw man..why does Kenny get all the cute ones?” Craig sighed.

 

“Even after all these years he spent away from home he’s still bagging chicks.” He looked at Kyle, “and dudes now apparently.”

 

“It’s not fair!” Clyde whined. He pulled up his sleeve, “We should give him a nice welcome back message and kick his ass!”

 

Craig frowned, “Dude, we’re seniors. We’re too old for that shit.”

 

“Fine..lets give him a good scare though.” He stormed over to Kenny.

 

Clyde grabbed the taller blonde by the arm, “Hey sweetheart! What’d your boyfriend say when you told him you were moving back to South Park, Colorado?”

 

Craig looped his arm around Kenny’s shoulder. “My buddy Clyde just asked you a question.”

 

“Hey Craig, doesn’t this cafeteria have a no fags allowed rule?” Kyle was about to step in, but before he could say anything, Kenny was already laughing.

 

“Well, they seem to have an open door policy for assholes though,” he retorted, a sly grin forming on his face.

 

The two jocks looked at each other. Craig frowned, “Hold his arms.”

 

Kenny smiled and elbowed Clyde in the face before he could do anything. Craig swung at him, but he ducked down and lunged at his stomach, knocking him down.

 

The cafeteria watched the scene with anticipation. Although everyone was cheering for Craig and Clyde, Kyle was rooting for Kenny. He wanted Kenny to beat their asses and show them who’s boss(which he was). He wanted Kenny to kick their pride in the balls(Rest in peace Clyde’s crotch). But as he watched Clyde and Craig fall to the ground, bruised, bloody, defeated and in pain only in a matter of minutes, he realized something better.

 

He wanted Kenny to fight for him.


	3. Freeze Your Brain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cartman seems to really like nuts, so Kyle pays the local 7-11 a visit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for supporting the story!

“God Kahl, drool much?” Cartman asked as he threw his ball into the hoop. Kyle looked at him oddly as he dribbled his basketball. He rolled his eyes as Leslie rushed to get the ball for him, “Dont give me that look. You were totally throwing your panties at Po’Boy in the cafeteria. And your Jew genes won’t allow you to buy new ones.”

 

Kyle frowned as he heard Leslie and Butters giggle in the background. “Whatever Fatass. I was just happy he was back.” He made his shot, groaning as it hit the rim of the hoop.

 

Butters smiled as he handed him his ball, “C-come on Kyle, it’s ok to want to t-take it up the ass every once in a while.” He turned a color that was seemingly redder than his hair and snatched the ball from Butters, making the blonde laugh.

 

“I  _ do not _ want to take it up the ass from  _ Kenny _ !” he screeched defensively, “I just missed him a lot, ok? He  _ was _ my best friend.” Cartman rolled his eyes.

 

“Whatever you say  _ fag _ . Leslie! It’s your turn!” She nodded and grabbed her ball from the ground, but Cartman kicked it back. “Ah ah ah, do a three-pointer.” Leslie, frowned.

 

“But-“

 

“Do. It.” 

 

Leslie sighed, turning around and walking towards it. Her delicate hands picked up the bumpy object and went into position. She threw it, the four of them watching as it flew up into the air, soared towards the hoop, and swooshed straight through the hole.

 

Butters and Kyle clapped for her, both amazed by the accuracy of her aim. Cartman rolled her eyes, “Whatever. It’s no big deal, I could do that too.” He walked over and pushed her to the side, bouncing  the ball. He finally threw it, only unlike Leslie, he missed by a mile.

 

Kyle burst into laughter. “Whatever, it’s no big deal. I could do that too!” he mocked. Cartman growled at him.

 

“Shut up Kyel!”

 

“My name is Kyle!”

 

“I brought your ass into this team, I can take it out!” He shut up after that, although he still found the whole ordeal to be hilarious. As Butters bounced his ball against the chain mail fence, clearly not caring if he wasn’t playing the game right, he smiled at Kyle.

 

“So, are you excited for Craig’s homecoming party Kyle?” he asked. Kyle shrugged; speaking truthfully, he was not the biggest fan of parties. They were loud, crowded, and were merely an excuse to drink and smoke. Butters frowned, “You’re not sure? But his parties are epic! Clyde and Token do all the planning while Craig is in charge of who gets invited. Stan brings the alcohol, Bebe brings snacks, and we’re the life of the party. And it always results in having a jolly old time!”

 

“I dunno, parties aren’t exactly my favorite thing in the world,” Kyle responded. Cartman rolled his eyes.

 

“Of course  _ you  _ wouldn’t want to have fun,” he commented.

 

The red head sighed and pulled out his phone. The screen read 6:30 PM, making him frown. He had a lot of homework to do, and he stayed out this long. Someone wasn’t getting enough sleep tonight.

 

He shoved it back into his pocket and huffed, “Well, I’ve got to go now. I’ll see you guys tomorrow.” Kyle walked out of the basketball court, not responding as he heard Cartman say,

 

“Good riddance.”

——————————————————————

He arrived at his house, feeling nothing short of exhaustion. It didn’t help that his mom was sitting on the couch, ready to scold him. He made his way up the stairs, ignoring her rambling.

 

“Kyle Isaiah Broflovski, you better have a good explanation for coming home at this hour! On a school night of all days too!” she yelled. When he didn’t respond, Sheila sighed, “Please tell me you weren’t hanging out with your new friends. I’m telling you, they’re nothing but trouble! Why don’t you hang out with Tweek as much as you used to? He’s such a nice boy Bubbeh!” She turned to Gerald, who was washing dishes in the kitchen. “I miss Tweek, don’t you miss him Gerald?”

 

“Sure,” he shrugged.

 

Kyle stopped walking up for a second. “I want more out of life ma, why can’t you understand that?” She watched as her son disappeared from her view, frowning as she heard the sound of a door closing.

 

Her husband turned off the sink water. “I think that you should relax, honey. Kyle has hung out with Eric before, why is this time any different?” he asked. She looked at him with sad eyes.

 

“You don’t get it Gerald, I didn’t like it when they hung out before. And the worst part is..” Sheila looked at the staircase solemnly.

 

“Now, he’s completely under that boy’s control.”

——————————————————————

Kyle sat in the backseat of Cartman’s convertible, wondering how much he had to bribe his mom for it. Fatass was always manipulating the poor woman, even after all she did for her. Kyle shrugged; he supposed that his obese leader did care for her, in some sort of twisted way. Whenever Stan, Kenny, and he called his mom a slut, Cartman would retaliate with chewing out the three of them.

 

They stopped at a 7-11, making Kyle lift a brow. “This isn’t Craig’s house,” he commented. Butters suddenly slapped ten dollars in Kyle’s hand and tried shooing him away with his hand. The redhead, who was already confused, just sat there in silence.

 

“Go on, get the nuts,” he instructed.

 

“I-I’m sorry, what?”

 

Cartman groaned, “Did you eat a brain tumor for breakfast Kahl? You have to get some corn nuts for the party.” He whipped his head around, “it’s not a party without fucking corn nuts!” Kyle flinched and hurried out of the car, jogging towards the automatic doors. 

 

Before entering, he yelled at the trio, “Plain or BQ?”

 

“B-“

 

“SHUT UP LESLIE!” Eric screeched, “BQ!” Kyle nodded and rushed inside before Cartman could insult him for his incompetence. He walked towards the nut display and bent down, grabbing two packets of BQ nuts. 

 

He suddenly noticed that things got a lot darker than before. Kyle looked down and noticed that there was a shadow looming over him. He turned his head and smiled, “Wow, fancy seeing you here.”

 

Kenny smirked, “The feeling is mutual.” It was then that Kyle noticed the plastic cup in his hand. Inside of it was a blue raspberry slushie with a straw. Kenny walked towards the slushie machine nearby, grabbing a plastic cup. The blonde looked at Kyle and gestured him to come over. The corners of his lips went upwards as he stood up and followed in Kenny’s footsteps. Cartman’s nuts could wait, it was time for some classy flirting.

 

“Blue raspberry, cherry, lime, or lemon?” he asked. Kyle thought over it for a moment before looking at his childhood friend.

 

“I heard Big Gulps are nice.”

 

Kenny frowned, “Come on Ky, that’s like going to Mickey Ds and ordering a salad! Slushies are the signature dish here.” He handed the cup to Kyle, “Pick a flavor.”

 

Kyle looked at Kenny and raised a brow, “Is Big Gulp a flavor?” They stared at each other for a moment before breaking out into laughter. Kyle gave Kenny a quick hug, “It’s good to have you back Ken.”

 

The blonde’s cheeks turned a light pink before he wrapped his arms around him. “It’s good to be back,” he said, “moving from place to place wasn’t the funnest experience.”

 

“You moved around?” Kyle asked. He snatched plastic cup from him and filled it halfway with a cherry flavored slushie.  _ Kyle can’t have too much sugar,  _ he reminded himself. He grabbed a straw from the dispenser next to the machine and placed it inside, sliding it over to the red head afterwards.

 

“Yup,” he answered while leaning on the counter, “it was  _ horrible _ . Walking for miles and miles because no matter what we did, our money was still scarce. After the third time, I stopped trying to make friends. What’s the point if you’re just going to move in six weeks?” He took a long sip of his slushie, cringing after doing so. Kenny held his forehead for a bit, then smiled weakly at the boy next to him. “It’s hard, but there is one benefit. No matter where we went, there was  _ always  _ a 7-11. And I’ll be damned if killing off brain cells with ice cold liquids doesn’t help me cope with all of it.”

 

He looped his arm around Kyle’s waist, “I mean, who needs drugs when you’ve got the ability to freeze your brain?”

 

Kyle smirked and looked up at him with bright green eyes. “Does your mommy know you eat all that crap?” he asked flirtatiously.

 

Kenny’s face suddenly shifted into a more serious expression, with his eyebrows furrowing and his lips pressed together. “Not anymore..Mom killed herself..Karen’s gone too. As for Kevin, he’s in jail for selling drugs in an attempt to support dad and I. So now it’s just me and my good friend Stuart McCormick,” he explained sadly. Kyle frowned.

 

“I’m so sorry Kenny..”

 

He sighed, “It’s fine, I guess. Besides, enough about my tragic anime backstory and my character’s weird love for slushies.” Kenny grinned at Kyle, who was perplexed by the sudden mood change. He grabbed him by the shoulders, “Kyle Broflovski, a guy who’s been planning his future since day one. He’s most likely going to be the one to escape this town.”

 

Kyle snickered as Kenny rambled on, “Yeah! I can see your future in my head. You get valedictorian, go to some college, graduate.” The blonde narrowed his eyes, “Marry a lawyer...You’re going to do great things!”

 

“Ha..I guess..” he muttered with a tint of red on his cheeks.

 

“Come on, you know I’m right! However, you should be careful..” Kenny warned him, “if I were you babe, I’d start building some walls.” Kyle tilted his head questionably.

 

“What? Why?” he put through the wringer.

 

Kenny took another sip of his drink, “Oh come on. We both know that the world, as much as I hate to say it, is not a decent place for decent people.”

 

“Oh I totally get what you mean,” Kyle drawled. The two of them jumped at the sound of a car horn beeping loudly.

 

“KYLLLEEEEEEE! HURRY THE FUCK UP!”

 

He rolled his eyes and walked to the counter with the snacks, handing the cashier the money. As she checked out his stuff, he turned to Kenny. “For example, I don’t really like my new friends.”

 

Kenny frowned at the sound of Cartman’s car horn beeping. “Yeah, I don’t like your friends either. Why’d you ditch Tweek for  _ them _ ? Actually, scratch that. What happened with you and Stan?”

 

Kyle grabbed the nuts and his slushie. “Well-“

 

He stopped when he saw Cartman entering the store. The brunette rolled his eyes, “No wonder you’re taking so long, you’re too busy showing Kinneh your dick. Stop trying to lose your virginity to Oliver Twist over there and  _ get your ass over here _ .”

 

“Whatever Fatass,” he drawled. He smiled apologetically at Kenny and raised his slushie as a goodbye. Blue eyes softened as the blonde raised his own bright blue therapist. He could feel his heart racing as Kyle walked out with that mythic bitch. He sighed and took another long slurp, hoping he’d see him again soon.

 

As they entered the convertible, Leslie turned to the red head. “There you are, what took you so long?” she asked.

 

Kyle smirked and sucked on the straw, holding his head in pain after a few seconds. “AH! Son of a bitch!” he screamed. When the whole thing was over, he looked up at Leslie and chuckled.

 

If that wasn’t a pleasant experience, he didn’t know what was.

 


	4. Dead Man Walking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING! Underage drinking and implied sexual content!
> 
> I am in no way condoning underage drinking or unprotected sex. Don’t do either of those please.

“So who’s coming to your party?” Clyde asked while he fixed up the couch. Craig took out some bowls and placed them on the coffee table in the living room. He thought about it for a while before reciting his list to Clyde.

 

“Token, Bebe, Stan, Wendy, Red, Jimmy,  a bunch of other people that I really don’t give a shit about, and Cartman and his bitches.” Clyde snickered.

 

“Well I bet the new bitch isn’t gonna come,” he sang. Craig flipped him off.

 

“Kyle’s coming whether he likes it or not. We all know Fatass will drag him by the dick if he has to,” he said.

 

His best friend walked into the kitchen, opened the fridge, and dug for two sodas in the fridge. He grabbed a bottle of Fanta and Coke that was hiding in the back. Clyde kicked the fridge so it could close, cringing at the loud slam it made. “Yeah I guess you’re right. Still, Kyle’s a stubborn hoe. Not saying I wouldn’t tap that ass though.”

 

Craig rolled his eyes. Their parents walked into the room. Thomas looked at his son, “Ok Craig, have fun. But remember that the Turners have the number to the hotel we’re staying in. If they call us and have any sort of complaint, I will drive down here and kick your ass. Is that understood?” The raven nodded absentmindedly.

 

Clyde felt his dad grab his shoulder. “Alright Clyde, you’re going to act. Your. Age. You are a guest here at Thomas and Laura’s home. Be respectful,” he explained. His son sighed.

 

“Yes dad.”

 

Roger smiled and pat Clyde’s back roughly, earning a small ‘oof’ from the boy. “Alright then boys, we’ll see you tomorrow.” Laura Tucker gave her son a kiss on the cheek and walked out of the door. Craig’s little sister, Tricia, raced down the stairs suddenly.

 

“Yeah! Who’s ready to party!” she yelled. Craig picked her up and took her to their mom. He smiled.

 

“Not you, this is a big kid party.”

 

“For Christ’s sake Craig, I’m like, 12 years old.”

 

“And even when you’re seventeen, I won’t let you come.” Tricia frowned and flipped her older brother off, racing towards the car outside. The rest of their family followed after her.

 

Clyde shut the door. “You can’t protect her forever Craig,” he said tiredly. The raven narrowed his eyes.

 

“Oh yeah? Watch me.” He lifted his head at the sound of the bell. “Already?” Craig walked over and opened the front door, being greeted by a collection of students. They rushed inside excitedly, jumping around like three years olds.

 

Among those all of those people, there was no sign of a kid with messy blonde hair.

 

He sighed, of course there wasn’t. He never gave Tweek his invitation. What were the odds that Tweek dug through the school trash cans and found a note for him?

 

Craig shook it off and went to turn on the speakers. He could beat himself up later, it was time to have some big fun.

——————————————————————

Kyle waited unenthusiastically in Cartman’s convertible, wanting nothing more than to go back to the 7-11 only a few blocks away. That flirting session with Kenny was one of the best things to ever happen to him.

 

Now he had to throw that all away for some dumb party.

 

Speaking of which, he could hear the music blasting from Craig’s house down the block. As Cartman drove further down, he could feel the music in his chest. It spread throughout his body, until eventually, he had no real heartbeat; it was replaced with bass-boosted music that wouldn’t stop until someone turned it off.

 

The driver parked in front of Craig’s driveway like an idiot and exited his car. “Come on assholes, we got a house to fuck up,” Cartman said as he walked towards the entrance. Leslie, Butters, and Kyle followed his orders. Their leader rang the doorbell.

 

Clyde opened the door for the three of them. He smirked, “Cartman, Kyle, Butters.” He looked at Leslie and winked, “Babe.” Leslie narrowed her ocean like eyes. The brunette laughed at her annoyed expression and got out of the way, allowing the group to enter the house.

 

The once peaceful household was filled with juniors and seniors, all of them either drinking, smoking, or dancing. There was a handful of people standing in the corner with a red solo cup and a few people sucking face. Kyle didn’t know what to do. He did know one thing: this was the embodiment of every stereotypical teenage party.

 

The red head turned around. “Uh, guys, what should I-“

 

However, the three kids behind him had already disappeared to God knows where. He instantly panicked, what was he going to do? He couldn’t just stand around like he didn’t know what he was doing(even though he didn’t), people would disown him! Without his “friends”, he would be _lost_.

 

Fortunately for Kyle, Craig seemed to notice him struggling. He walked over and threw his arm around him, scaring Kyle a bit. “First time at a highschool party?” he asked. The shorter boy nodded shamefully. Craig started at him for a moment before saying, “Follow me.”

 

The raven walked off. Kyle, not sure what other solution there was, rushed after him. It seemed like Craig had good intentions, but he was still skeptical of where he was taking him. Craig had never been so nice to him, so Kyle wouldn’t have been surprised if he was walking into a prank or something.

 

Surprisingly, it wasn’t a trap. Craig took him to a table with a collection of alcoholic beverages resting on it. He grabbed a tiny shot glass out of the many lying next to the substances and poured in a tiny bit of tequila. He handed it to Kyle. “Drink,” he instructed.

 

Kyle grabbed it with shaky hands. He looked up at the jock, “I-I don’t know.”

 

“I’ve been in this situation before, trust me.”

 

The red head took a deep breath and did the shot, shivering as he felt the cool liquid pass through his body. Craig looked at him expectantly, “Well?”

 

He smiled. “That felt..pretty damn good,” he answered. He suddenly felt a sharp pain in his throat. It felt as if it had been set on fire. Kyle held it, “Ouch!”

 

“Lesson one, drink tequila correctly or else it’s gonna hurt like a bitch,” Craig explained. Kyle glared at him for not telling him how to drink the right way. The jock pointed at a mini table next to the bootleg bar. It was then that Kyle noticed a bowl with salt and another bowl of limes that were cut in half. “Salt, shot, and finally, lime,” Craig instructed as he made another jello shot for Kyle.

 

Kyle grabbed a small spoon lying next to the salt and scooped some of it out of the bowl. He took a deep breath and consumed it, cringing at the bitter taste. He snatched the shot from Craig’s hand and drank it, quickly grabbing a lime and squeezing it in his mouth afterwards.

 

Sure enough, the shot went down more pleasantly than before. Craig smiled, “Now you’ve got it. Now for lesson two. Never leave-“

 

Suddenly, Craig’s words became nothing more than a distant voice calling out to Kyle. He stood there, paying attention to a blonde in an olive green shirt near the entrance.

 

Tweek fell for it.

 

He laughed nervously. “Thanks for the tip CrAig. I’ll see you tomorrow at school, okkkkk?” he slurred. He cringed; he was drunk already. Figures that the shots would fuck him up with his light weight and lack of experience. Before Craig could point out that tomorrow was Saturday, Kyle wobbled over to his friend. “Hey Tweekersssss,” he greeted.

 

Tweek jumped a little at the sudden contact. His fear diminished when he saw that it was just his drunk friend. “Oh, hey-AHH! Hey Ky!”

 

“I can’t believe you actually,” he hiccuped, “came.”

 

“This isn’t-GAH! Isn’t-ngh! My type of-AH! Style but it’s all worth it to see Craig,” Tweek responded. He stopped slouching for a bit so he could look over Kyle’s head. The thing with Tweek was that he wasn’t short, it’s just that he slouched so much, it made it look like he was. On the rare occasion that he stood up straight, Tweek was taller than most of the kids in his grade. It annoyed Kyle a bit(since Tweek was his height when he was hunched over), but he couldn’t complain.

 

Tweek scanned the crowd before finally brightening up. “Oh! I see him! I’ll be back Kyle, I’m gonna give him some of this sparkling cider.” He ran towards his kindergarten boyfriend, Kyle watching as some conversation ensued between the two of them. He bit his lip, _Please Moses, let this go right. Don’t let him get hurt._

 

“Hey Craig! I wasn’t gonna come, but since you took the time to write that sweet note-“

 

“What note?” Craig asked. Tweek reached into his pocket, took out a neatly folded piece of paper, and handed it over. Craig opened it up and read it over before giving it back to Tweek. “Why do you have to be so _weird_ all the time? I’m telling you Tweek, people wouldn’t hate you so much if you just acted _normal_ ,” he advised.

 

The blonde frowned, why was Craig acting this way? _He_ was the one who wrote the note, he should’ve been a bit happier to see him. “O-oh..well in that case,” he gave the boy his drink. Craig took a swig of the cider, only to spit it out.

 

“What _is_ that stuff?”

 

“Sparkling cider,” Tweek answered.

 

Craig wipes his mouth, “I should’ve known from the taste. That stuff is _terrible_. I don’t know how people can stand it.” Tweek could feel tears swelling up in his eyes. He stormed off, not sure whether he should’ve felt sad or pissed off. Kyle followed after his friend, shaking his head as he walked off. Craig reached out for him, “Tweek-“

 

Clyde suddenly appeared at his side, “Who invited the spaz?” Craig put his arm down.

 

“Beats me.”

 

Cartman had seen the whole thing from afar. He turned to Leslie and Butters with a huge grin,  “Did you see that guys? That was awesome!” Butters tilted his head.

 

“What happened Eric?”

 

“Twitchy Tweek got rejected, that’s what. But we’re not done yet. You know how Clyde bought a squirrel piñata to represent North Park’s mascot?You know, so we can bash its brains out?” he asked.

 

The two of them nodded slowly. Cartman threw his car keys at Leslie. “Leslie, in the trunk, there’s a messy blonde wig and a green cloth that’s held together by a pin. Get it. Butters, find the piñata. I’ll get the bat.”

 

His minions nodded and left their leader. He smiled mischievously, this was going to be so _very_.

 

Not too far away, Kyle was looking for his broken-hearted friend. “Tweek?” he called out. He found Tweek hiding in the corner, clutching his bottle of sparkling cider. He frowned and walked over. “Hey dude, I saw what happened, are you alright?” he asked softly.

 

“No…”

 

He embraced Tweek, “Come on, forget him. He’s probably just having an off-day.” Tweek wrapped his arms around his friend, trying his best not to cry.

 

“But it’s hard,” he choked out. Kyle rubbed his back.

 

“I know..” He pulled back, “Let’s just dance for now. Maybe that will help.” Tweek wiped the tears away, nodding hesitantly. His bony hand wasn’t so alone anymore, being held by a sturdier, softer one. The hand tugged on his own, triggering a reaction that made him stand up. Kyle dragged the broken-hearted boy in front of him to the dance floor.

 

He noticed the severe twitching Tweek was doing. It was clear that his friend wasn’t comfortable here. It was up to him to change that.

 

Kyle started off with some awkward dance moves, trying his best to move to the beat. Unfortunately, he didn’t have rhythm. _At all_. It didn’t help that he wasn’t sober.

 

Tweek watched for a bit before snickering. “That’s not how-AHH! That’s now how you dance Kyle!” he said in between laughs. He linked their hands and just swung them back and forth. They weren’t dancing any better than how Kyle was before, but it was clear that Tweek was starting to enjoy himself.

 

But all of that seemed to vanish when Cartman came out with a microphone. “Alright everyone, turn the music down!” he demanded. Craig walked towards the speakers and turned them off, leaving nothing but the silent whisper of a rapper. Cartman grinned, “It’s time to celebrate our upcoming victory against North Park by whacking apart their mascot!” Everyone in the room cheered at the idea.

 

Butters came out holding a bat and a blindfold, “We need someone to take a swing at the piñata~” He waved the weapon around slowly. “Any volunteers.” A bunch of people raised their hands, but Cartman picked one person out of the many in the house.

 

“Tweek Tweak.”

 

The blonde blinked in confusion. Butters handed him the bat, “How about you do the honors?” Tweek looked at Kyle nervously.

 

“I-GAH! I don’t really-ngh! Really know this game,” he muttered. Butters gasped, grabbed Tweek by the hand, and pulled him towards the center.

 

“Let’s show this fella some South Park spirit!” he exclaimed, “Tweek Tweak! Tweek Tweak!”

 

Soon, the whole room was chanting his name. Tweek smiled softly, the sound of people saying his name was comforting. Especially since it was people he thought hated him. He grabbed the bat, taking deep breaths as his world was blocked by a dark red cloth. Butters tied a firm knot and leaned in, “Can you see anything?” He shook his head.

 

Cartman smirked, “Bring out la piñata!”

 

Leslie came out holding a squirrel piñata. Only except for being a plain critter, someone had given it messy blonde wig and wrapped a green cloth around it. Clearly, it was supposed to represent the hunched over child.

 

Yells of encouragement turned into faces of shock and amusement. Tweek held the bat firmly, the cloth over his head not allowing him to see anything. Cartman and his bitches had a look of excitement in his eyes.

 

As for Kyle, he was pissed.

 

He stomped over to the piñata and attempted to pull it away from Leslie. She tried her best to win the new game of tug of war that had come up, but Kyle was stronger than her. “Help me!” she cried out, to which Cartman and Butters aided her in battle. They came up behind her waist and pulled as much as they could.

 

Despite it being a three on one fight, Kyle was the one who succeeded. He fell on his back with the piñata in hand, trying his best to turn his breathing back to normal. He stood up and glared at the people in front of him, more specifically, his arch-rival.

 

“WHAT IS YOUR DAMAGE CARTMAN?” he hissed. He walked into the kitchen, opened the glass doors, and approached the pool Craig’s parents installed a year ago. He turned around to stare at the crowd in the living room. “You want it?” he asked, “swim for it.”

 

Everyone watched as he let go of what was supposed to be a prank on Tweek. It dropped into the water with a loud splash. With a sigh of relief, he went back inside and made his way towards Tweek. Kyle removed the blindfold, revealing terrified, dilated eyes.  The poor kid was shaking severely after hearing all of that.

 

He frowned, “Go home Tweek, I’ll explain it to you tomorrow.” Tweek looked around for a bit before running out of the house. Once he heard the door close, Kyle ran his fingers through his hair. He looked at Cartman, “Well, we gave it a shot, ok? I’m resigning my position from the Queer Eye for the Straight guy cast.” He turned around and took a few steps forward. “I’m returning to civilian life.”

 

Suddenly, he felt a firm grasp on his shoulder. “No,” Cartman stated fiercely whilst he spun Kyle around.

 

He felt a wave of nausea wash over. He looked Cartman in the eye, “Don’t spin me I’m not feeling too we-“

 

He gasped as his chin and throat were now in the palm of Cartman’s hands. He tried his best to pry them off, but it was in vain. The brunette tightened his hold.

 

“You don’t get to be a nobody _._ Monday, 8 AM, you’ll be an ex-somebody. Not even the _adults_ will want to look at you,” he threatened. “Go up to North Park, move to Denver! But _no one_ in South Park is going to let you play their reindeer games!” He pushed Kyle roughly, watching the redhead bend over and clutch his stomach. “What’s the matter, Jew? Gonna cry?”

 

Kyle wished he’d cried. Instead, he spun around and puked right on the obese man. Cartman went from feeling proud of himself to looking at his outfit in horror. The grossed out expressions of the other students were _nothing_ compared to the shriek that he let out. He looked at the boy in front of him in anger.

 

“I raised you up from NOTHING, and what’s my thanks? I get paid in _puke_!” Kyle wiped his mouth and smirked at him.

 

“Lick it up Fatass!” he got closer, “Lick. It. Up.” He felt great finally growing a pair and standing up to Eric fucking Cartman for once. But he realized the mistake he made when the brunette’s countenance was no longer angry. It was replaced by a smug grin.

 

“I know who I’m sitting with on Monday, do you Kahl?”

 

Kyle looked around the room. No one was staring directly at him, not Butters, not Craig, nobody. They had their focus on some other place. As long as it didn’t have a short, red headed Jewish kid that just puked on The Demon King of high school, they didn’t mind looking there.

 

Knowing that today was the last day his peers would consider him a human being, Kyle walked out of the party. When he left, he could hear Cartman saying, “Well party people? Where’s the goddamn cake?” followed by loud cheering and music.

 

The walk of shame back to his house was filled with regret and anxiety. All he could hear were the voices in his head, every single one of them panicking. Some of them were telling him how stupid he was back there. Others were wondering if he would make it to study hall without being hunted down by Cartman, Leslie, and Butters. The rest of them were thinking of ways to get out of the situation.

 

 _Alright,_ he thought, _I can either tell an adult, apologize, or change my name and ride up to Seattle._ He considered his options a bit more.

 

Option A: The adults in this town were idiots.

 

Option B: No.

 

He didn’t own a motorbike either so C was out of the question.

 

He suddenly noticed a figure jumping from roof to roof. He squinted his eyes to get a closer look at the person. After a few seconds, he noticed that it was a vigilante he hadn’t seen in a long time; Mysterion. Kyle shrugged it off, but then he remembered something.

 

Wasn’t Kenny Mysterion?

 

He thought it through a bit more, yeah, he was. That was the role that Kenny played in their old superhero game. But he was the only one who took his role seriously. Kenny patrolled frequently, from 9:00 PM to midnight, something that none of the kids ever did.

 

Out of curiously, Kyle took out his phone. 12:00 PM, the screen told him.

 

Kenny must’ve been heading home now.

 

It was then that Kyle got this crazy idea. In fact, it was so crazy, that the idea probably wasn’t coming from him; it was most likely the alcohol in his system talking to him. But it didn’t matter what was telling him what. What mattered was the new option on his list. And he liked this one a lot more than the other three.

 

Option D: Spend your last thirty hours getting _freaky_.

 

He followed Mysterion’s rooftop runway, his adrenaline slowly rising as he made his way across the train tracks. Kyle was surprised when the vigilante stopped on top of his first home and climbed down, he thought that the McCormicks had a different house in South Park.

 

Once he witnessed Mysterion go inside, he snuck around to the right side of the house. Kyle found a single cracked window. He peeked inside and noticed the structure of Kenny’s room when he was here so long ago. With a quick snap of the window lock, he opened the window, crawled inside, and sat on Kenny’s bed.

 

It wasn’t long before Kenny entered the room. He noticed Kyle sitting on his bed and flinched in surprise. “Kyle?” he said in a gruff voice before coughing and clearing his throat, “what are you doing in my room?”

 

He walked up to the blonde and looped his arms around his neck. “Shh...It’s ok. I just need to talk to you. You see, I pissed off Cartman and now he says I gotta go,” Kyle explained, “I was worrying so much on the walk home. But then I saw you running across rooftops like it was no one’s business. And that was when I decided..” He slowly slid his arms away, making Kenny shiver. But that was nothing compared to the flames his face erupted in when Kyle unbuttoned his blazer.

 

“I must ride you until I break you. So what do you say Ken? Will you let me be your dead man walking?”

 

Kenny walked towards Kyle and pinned him on the bed, smirking as he gave his response, “That works for me.” But before he could do anything, he was stopped by a hand caressing his cheek.

 

Kyle was looking up at him with a certain kindness that he could feel himself. “You know it’s cause you’re beautiful, right? You know it’s because you’re more than Kenny McCormick, the kid that lives on the wrong side of the tracks, right? You know it’s because..I love you, right?”

 

Kenny could feel water peeking out of his crystal blue eyes. He placed his hand over Kyle’s, closed his eyes, and said, “I love you too.”

 

The red head smiled, “Now let’s make this beautiful.” They leaned in and connected their lips.

 

The rest of the night was filled with touching, moaning, romance, and at the end of it all, a conversation on their relationship. That was the second thing Kyle didn’t expect, falling in love with Kenny McCormick. But at the time, he didn’t mind it.

 

At the time.


	5. Me Inside Of Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kyle decides that he should apologize to Eric for the previous night. Kenny tags along.
> 
> Maybe he should’ve just stayed in bed and said, “Fuck it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Character death up ahead!

Bright green eyes opened up from their short slumber at last. He looked around to see if he had dreamed any of the events from last night. There was nothing out of the ordinary; he was still in Kenny’s room, his new boyfriend was sleeping next to him, both of their clothes were resting on the floor, and his life was back to normal. He smiled and fell back, shutting his eyes.

 

“Hello,  _ slut _ .”

 

As fast as his relief came, it left. He sprout up and looked at Kenny. He was still knocked out, so who said that? He felt someone tap his shoulder and whipped his arm around, only to be met with shock. Cartman was sitting there with an amused expression. “H-how’d you get in here?” Kyle asked with a shaky voice.

 

He smirked, “Haven’t you figured it out by now Kahl? I’m like oxygen.” He expanded his arms. “I’m  _ everywhere _ , that’s how I know what big fun you had last night,” Cartman explained, gesturing towards Kenny, “but you know, I expected better from you Jew. Out of all the people in this godforsaken town, you slept with the poorest one. And it’s all because I was being a douchebag! He laughed maniacally, “Oh my God, I will  _ crucify  _ you for this.” He glanced over at a distraught, frozen Kyle. “Everyone will know that good little Kyle Broflovski is nothing but a  _ filthy whore _ !”

 

Kyle leaned back in terror. “Why are you so determined to hurt people Cartman? Why can’t you just be a friend?” he asked, clearly panicked from the threat. 

 

“Give me one good reason why I can’t be. Besides, your downfall will be so  _ very _ .” Cartman laughed hysterically as the rest of the room slowly turned into an inky black abyss. Hands slowly began invading his personal bubble; some touched his arm, others his leg or face. One of them gave a sharp tug at his hair, which is what started the overlapping whispers. He could only make out tidbits of the audio. 

 

“-ut.”

 

“-a whore.”

 

“Frea-“

 

He couldn’t take it anymore. He opened his mouth and screamed as loud as he could.

 

“ _ Kyle? KYLE!” _

 

He woke up in a cold sweat. Kenny was right above him with a worried expression. “Are you ok?” he asked. He put his hand on Kyle’s forehead, “God Ky, you’re soaking wet…”

 

Kyle blinked a few more times before taking a deep breath. It was just a nightmare. He lightly pushed Kenny off of him and got out of bed. The blonde sat up in surprise. “Going home already?”

 

The boy struggled to button up his shirt as he answered, “Nope. I’m apologizing to Fatass.”

 

“Apologizing? Didn’t you say you were done with him?”

 

Kyle pulled up his shorts. “Yeah, and the idea is my ideal paradise. A world without Cartman means a world where we can be free. But I’m not strong enough to keep it that way..”

 

Kenny stared for a brief moment before walking over to his closet and taking out an old, brown and dirty parka. He put it on, along with a pair of jeans. “Alright then, I’m coming with,” he said. His boyfriend, now fully dressed, tilted his head.

 

“Why?”

 

“You know,” Kenny made finger guns, “for backup.” He pretended to shoot the wall, letting out a little “pew, pew, pew,” for special effect. It earned a little laugh from Kyle, who walked towards him just to give him a kiss on the cheek.

 

“Thank you..” They looked at each other with an awkward silence, remembering the events of the previous night in full detail. Kyle, not knowing what else to say just chuckled and said,

 

“Oh yeah, by the way,” he pat Kenny on the back, “you were my first.” Kyle walked out of the room, leaving a shocked Kenny in there by himself.

 

_ Jeez, for someone who was a virgin, you sure liked it rough.. _

——————————————————————

The door to the Cartman household slowly creaked open, earning a cringe from Kyle. He peeked in, “Cartman?” The only response was the echo of his own voice.

 

Kenny opened the door all the way, allowing the two of them to step inside. The only noise that penetrated their ears was the water from the kitchen faucet. “Maybe he’s not here?” the blonde suggested. Kyle scoffed bemusedly.

 

“Please, he always skips the weekly trip to his uncle’s even when he’s not hungover. I just need to put in a bit more power into my call.” He took a deep breath and yelled, “CARTMAN!”

 

“WHAT!?” 

 

Kenny jumped back at the unexpected answer. His boyfriend smirked at his display of fear and shock. He tried to regain his composure, but his cover had already been blown. Kyle snickered, “Uh, I’m here to apologize!”

 

“Well I hope you bought knee pads  _ BITCH!”  _ the glutton yelled from upstairs. “Fix me a prairie oyster and I’ll  _ think _ about it.” Kyle frowned and looked at Kenny.

 

“What the hell is a prairie oyster?” he asked. Kenny thought it over for a bit, knowing that it was buried somewhere in his memory. He dug deeper and deeper until his shovel hit something.

 

“Raw egg, vinegar, tomato juice, sauce,  _ hot  _ sauce, salt, and ground black pepper.” He started searching the cupboards for the ingredients. He handed Kyle a mug.

 

He got an egg from the fridge and cracked it in the cup. He sprouted up, “Wait a minute! I can do a phlegm globber in his drink. He’ll never know,” he said with a mischievous grin. Kyle quickly did the rest of the steps and began forming a phlegm globber. The disgusting sound of him trying to bring his mucus down to his mouth was the only thing they could hear for a while. Eventually, the ball formed and he spit it in the cup with a little snicker.

 

“Not too bad Broflovski,” Kenny praised, “but I prefer more  _ extreme _ methods.” He took out a bottle of blue drain cleaner and poured it in a glass cup. 

 

Kyle laughed nervously, “Don't be a dick dude, that stuff will kill him. Besides, he’ll never drink that, no one with common sense would.” He watched as Kenny grabbed another mug from the cupboard, gently placed it on the table, and transferred the poisonous liquid over.

 

“Not if he can’t see it. I say,” he picked up the mug of death and shook it gently in front of Kyle’s face, “we go with big blue.”

 

His green eyes narrowed. Out of all the people in the world,  _ Kenny _ was joking about attempted murderer. He took the subject of death so seriously when he was in South Park beforehand, trying to convince the guys that he couldn’t die, he would always come back. And when no one would believe him, he’d be pissed off.

 

“No,” Kyle stated firmly.

 

“What’s that I smell? Is that a..pussy? Yeah, yeah I smell a pussy. Meow~” Kenny teased. He kept imitating a cat in front of Kyle’s bemused face.

 

“You’re not funny Ken.” He frowned and leaned in.

 

“I’m sorry…” Kyle smiled and looped his arms around Kenny’s neck. The latter placed his hands on the tiny boy’s waist, and in Eric fucking Cartman’s kitchen they began to play a game of tongue fighting.

 

“Uhh, hello? PRAIRIE OYSTER, CHOP CHOP!” The two of them pulled apart hesitantly. Kyle grabbed one of the mugs and began to walk out.

 

Kenny, however, knew which one he grabbed. He checked inside the other mug to double check his thoughts. Sure enough, Kyle snatched something he shouldn’t have. He looked at the red head, “Kyle you just-“

 

“What?” the redhead asked. Kenny paused and gazed at the mug for a good minute. This was a matter of life and death. Cartman has done so much to hurt people, but did he deserve what was coming to him? Kenny then realized that he didn’t care what happened to Kyle’s “friend”. He looked at his beloved.

 

“Good luck.”

 

The two of the walked up the stairs and into Cartman’s room. The brunette sat up with a look of discontent. “If it isn’t the little traitor..” He eyed Kenny, “I see you had a good time after you puked your last words all over my outfit. Alright then, let’s get this started.”

 

Kyle gulped as he stepped forward. Even when he was wearing pajamas, a bed head, and suffering from a hangover, Eric Cartman was as intimidating as ever. He took a deep breath, “Cartman, I think-“

 

“Actually Kahl,” he interrupted, “If prefer that you’d do this on your knees. Right in front of your little boy toy.” Kyle ignored the request, praying to Moses that Cartman was joking. He refused to go on his knees, especially in front of Kenny McCormick.

 

He coughed, “Right. Anyways, we both said some things-“

 

Once again, Kyle was cut off by the sound of Eric’s voice. The glutton was laughing, “Do I look like I’m joking?  _ Down _ .” He glanced at Kenny, who frowned and looked away for him. Kyle sighed and went on his knees.

 

“I’m sorry I puked on you,” he said as fast as possible.

 

Cartman smirked at the obvious embarrassment he was feeling. Humiliating Kyle Broflovski  _ was _ his favorite hobby. He stood up. “Good,” his hand stole the mug from his victim’s hand, looking him in the eye as he landed the final blow, “but you’re still dead to me.” The words pierced through Kyle’s pride. All of that, and he was still dead tomorrow. He stood up and walked towards Kenny, who was staring at Cartman as if he was waiting for something to happen.

 

“He’s not going to apologize,” Kyle muttered, “let’s just  _ go _ .” 

 

Cartman heard the words from his mouth and smiled to himself. The final step was to lure Kyle into a massive state of anxiety, only for him to realize that despite the power the King had, he wasn’t going to do anything. The thought of Kyle being defeated tomorrow was orgasmic to him. He took a long sip of the drink in victory.

 

But that feeling didn’t last long. He felt a massive pain in his body and a gooey substance in his throat. Cartman held his neck and coughed violently, trying to get the fluid out of his body. Kyle turned around at the noise. He gasped and ran towards Cartman. “Cartman! Are you-“

 

But he couldn’t say anything else. Cartman grabbed his collar with a face that read ‘please help me’. After five seconds, he said, “Corn..nuts!” and fell to the floor.

 

Kyle stared at the corpse in shock. “Holy  _ shit _ !” Kenny yelled.

 

“Oh my God..OH MY GOD!” Kyle bent down to check Cartman’s pulse. Unfortunately, it was nonexistent. Kyle began to hyperventilate; he killed him, he fucking  _ killed him _ . He looked at Kenny, “Don't just stand there! Call an ambulance!” 

 

“I think it’s a little late for that,” he responded, sending Kyle into a deeper spiral of panic and distress. Kenny noticed that he wasn’t doing too well and hugged him. “Shh..it’s gonna be ok.”

 

“Not it’s not!” Kyle snapped, “my SAT scores are going to be sent to San Quentin! The cops will think that I did this on purpose, when really, all of this happened because..because of your stupid prank!” His anger faltered, “Who am I kidding? This shit’s my fault.”

 

Kenny stroked his hair comfortingly. “Calm down babe, there’s a solution to this.” He looked around the room for something _ , anything _ that could help them out. He then spotted a copy of “The Bell Jar” on Cartman’s bed. He left Kyle for a bit to grab the book,  “Oh look, he was reading “The Bell Jar”! Oh, and would you look at that!” He flipped through the pages, which were filled with sticky notes. He showed the book to Kyle, “Fatass decides to give us a gift.”

 

Kyle moved back, “N-no fucking way.”

 

The taller boy tossed him the book, “Yes.” He began to search the drawers like a mad man. He found Cartman’s journal in one of them, ripped out a paper, and grabbed a pen that was next to it. He sat next to Kyle. “You can forge his handwriting. Write something like this: Like Sylvia Plath, I’ve suffered through many things that hid in the shadows. My problems were myriad-“

 

“I was having my period,” Kyle muttered bitterly. There was silence for a moment before one of hen starting laughing hysterically at his own joke. Kenny just stared at his boyfriend with a straight face while he laughed his ass off. Kyle stopped after a minute or two and smiled. His eyes landed on Cartman’s dead body, which reminded him of the situation he was in. “OH MY GOD!” he screamed.

 

Kenny grabbed his shoulders. “This isn’t funny! You could go to jail! Get your head on straight.”

 

“Ok, ok! Uh, Cartman wouldn’t use the word myriad because he missed it on his vocab quiz last week..”

 

“So it’s a badge of his failure at school, work. With. Me.”

 

Kyle grabbed the paper and pen from Kenny with shaking hands. He stared at the blank sheet with guilt and remorse. “Think,” Kenny said, “ _ long and hard _ , conjure him up in your mind. What would he say, what’s his final statement to a cold, uncaring planet?”

 

Kyle imagined what would happen if this  _ was  _ Cartman’s doing. He would most likely curse everyone out, specifically him or Leslie. But what if Cartman had problems of his own? What if he was insecure or terrified, and each night, he clung to his pillow and sobbed?

 

He liked the idea, so he wrote it down.

 

_ Dear world, _

 

_ Believe or not, I knew about fear, and the way that loneliness stung. My problems were hid behind hot clothes, smiles, power, and make out sessions with girls. _

 

_ But if only you know how much this planet weighed. It was worse than a concrete prom king crown. _

 

He showed it to Kenny, who nodded in approval. “Keep going, this has to be good enough to fool the cops.”

 

Kyle felt a ghostly presence behind him. He whipped his head around and saw Cartman leaning over to read the note. He blinked his eyes, was his mind fucking with him? Cartman frowned, “Jesus, you’re making me sound like  _ air supply _ !”

 

“You ok?” Kenny asked.

 

Kyle nodded slowly and continued to write in Cartman’s handwriting.

—————————————————————————————————————————

“ _ 911 what’s your emergency-“ _

 

“SEND SOMEONE RIGHT THE FUCK NOW!”

—————————————————————————————————————————

Kenny and Kyle waited outside of Cartman’s house. After half an hour, the police arrive with an ambulance trailing behind them. Officer Barbrady and Sergeant Yates stepped out of one of the two cars at the scene. They walked inside the house to investigate the scene of the crime.

 

Kyle’s hold on his boyfriends shirt tightened. He wondered if they would get away with murderer, or if they would be told that they had the right to remain silent. A small part of him hoped that scenario two would be the one that came waltzing into their lives; they would get what they deserved. 

 

The two officers came out with a paper in hand. They approached the couple with a solemn look on their faces and gave them the note. They read it over together, purposely looking sadder as they made their way down.

 

_ Dear world, _

 

_ Believe or not, I knew about fear, and the way that loneliness stung. My problems were hid behind hot clothes, smiles, power, and make out sessions with girls. _

 

_ But if only you know how much this planet weighed. It was worse than a concrete prom king crown. At the end of the day, no one thinks a pretty boy has emotions, no one gets how insecure he is on the inside. Everyone lacked the ability to see past my rockstar mystique or look in my eyes. No one knew how many tears I let out. _

 

_ I am more than shoulder pads, sleek hair, and makeup. It surprising how no one saw the me inside of me. _

 

_ Eric Cartman _

 

Kyle stared at it in disbelief. Kenny wrapped his arms around him so that they could put on a little show. “I can’t believe he’s gone..” Kyle muttered. The cops stared at him pitifully. Kenny signed and returned the note.

 

“Well officers, thank you. We’ll be heading home now, Kyle and I..we have a lot to talk about.” With that, they left the scene of the crime, one of them feeling nothing but guilt and the other filled with content.

—————————————————————————————————————————

“Hey have you seen Eric, Leslie?”

 

“Negative, I haven’t heard from him since Craig’s party.”

 

Kyle listened to the conversation from not too far away. He had a strange urge to grab them both and yell in their faces, “I did it! I killed your leader!”, but that wouldn’t be the smartest move on his part.

 

_ “Students, please come to the gym for an urgent assembly. After the assembly, you may go home,” _ a tired voice said over the speakers. He could feel the already thick tension in the hallway growing as they all made their way to the gym. First Cartman didn’t arrive, and now they were being forced into the modern version of a medieval torture room. He looked around the crowded area for any signs of Tweek or Kenny.

 

Nope, neither one of his favorite blondes were anywhere to be seen. Crap, one of them would’ve made him feel safer.

 

After what seemed like an eternity, he arrived at the gym and took a seat. Butters and Leslie arrived right after and plopped next to him. He lifted a brow, “I thought you guys were mad at me?” Butters poked his cheek.

 

“I’m sure Eric’s not as sore as he was at the party,” he reasoned, “besides, Leslie and I noticed that no one was treating you like you were..like you were a stick in the mud! Of course, that might be the work of Eric’s absence.” Kyle looked at Leslie, who had yet to speak. In fact, the only girl in the group refused to look at him. She practically worshipped Eric, even though he treated her like shit. Maybe she thought that his treatment was the coolest thing on Earth, he had no fucking idea. All he knew was that just because Butters was tolerating him, didn’t mean that she was going to.

 

A lady with curly blonde hair and glasses suddenly appeared at the center with a microphone. She tapped it lightly, shutting up the student body. “Good afternoon students,” she greeted, “just the case the freshmen here don’t remember, I’m Principal Victoria. I have gathered you all here to inform you of some terrible news. Yesterday, Eric Theodore Cartman was found dead in his house with a suicide note near him.”

 

Half of the student body was met with shock. Butters’s eyes were filling up with tears while Leslie was sitting there with a solemn expression. As for Kyle, he simply frowned. He wished that he could feel shocked or sad, but his repentance wouldn’t allow that.

 

“I know, it’s unfortunate,” the previous principal of Kyle’s old elementary school said, “but Eric Cartman was a better person behind all of the glory, and in his honor, we’re giving you these copies of the note Mr.Mackey printed out.”

 

One by one, each students had received a copy of the forgery. Kyle looked it over for the third time in his life. It was hard to believe that this was his work in front of him.

 

“Now tell us, what do you think? Come on children, feel Eric’s anguish!” Principal Victoria urged.

 

Heidi Turner had raised her hand, “When I used to date Eric, I thought he was rude and ungrateful, and I told him to stop acting like the victim. But now I can see why he did all those things; he  _ was _ the victim. I wish I knew about his pain…” 

 

“That’s good Miss Turner, anyone else?”

 

Butters stood up, “W-why, Eric’s life had hit a rocky patch. Deep down, he wasn’t cruel or vain like everyone thought he was. He was a human being, just like the rest of us!” Many students murmured in agreement.

 

Soon, everyone was saying something compassionate, excluding Kyle of course. He just couldn’t stop thinking about what he did to Cartman. Yes, he was awful, but did he deserve death?

 

“Kyle, you’ve been awfully quiet,” Vice Principal Strong pointed out, snapping Kyle out of his trance. “What’s on your mind?” she asked.

 

All eyes were on him as he stood up. “W-well…” he started, “I think that Cartman realized that in order to be happy, he had to give up his power...and that the only way to do that was death?” 

 

Even though his answer came out as a question, it was met with positive feedback. “Cartman would be so proud of you,” Strong said, and Principal Victoria nodded in agreement.

 

He sat back down, praying that no one found him suspicious at that moment. After thirty more minutes of the school’s ‘kumbaya party’, they were finally allowed to go home. Kyle waved goodbye to Butters and Leslie and left the two of them in the gym.

 

When he left, he saw Kenny waiting for him outside. “Well, looks like Fatass is more popular than ever,” he said, kissing Kyle’s forehead afterwards. Kyle sighed.

 

“Yeah, I know. I still feel bad about the whole thing though.”

 

“Understandable. He  _ is  _ dead,” Kenny took him by the hand and squeezed it tightly. “Tell you what, we can talk more at my place. My dad’s usually passed out by this hour.”

 

Kyle thought it over for a bit before smiling, “Yeah. Your place.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I need sleep


	6. You’re Welcome

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Somewhere around 7:00, Kyle gets a call of distress from Butters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ll be honest, I preferred the West End replacement for Blue(“You’re Welcome”), so I used it instead.
> 
> WARNING: Attempt at rape!

“During times like these, many people focus on the negative parts,” Clyde’s voice said from the TV. “Although those people disgust me, because I’m a very positive person.” Kyle narrowed his eyes and nudged Kenny’s arm, signaling him to switch the channel. He pressed the button, but Clyde was on the new channel too. “When I was dating Leslie, one of Cartman’s best friends, she told me that he was always a little distant. We should’ve noticed by then..” Another nudge, another press of the button. Fucking Clyde appeared  _ again _ , this time exploiting the King’s death in enspañol. “Todo los días, Cartman iría a nuestras prácticas. Él nos animaría. Todos los días. Yo extraño-“

 

“Paga lo, paga lo!” Kyle yelled in spanish, “turn it off!” Kenny shut the TV off and carelessly tossed the controller. Kyle leaned on his shoulder, exhausted from everything that happened. He scoffed, “Jesus, how many channels did he call?”

 

“How much do you bet he’s on Nick Jr. or something?” Kenny asked jokingly, making Kyle chortle.

 

“We’re on the same page there. Even if we weren’t, I wouldn’t give you shit,” he ridiculed, sticking out his tongue at the kid looking down at him. It earned him a pout from Kenny.

 

“Come on, you know I’m the poor kid,” he whined, “just let me have this  _ one _ thing.” Kyle smiled and leaned up to kiss his cute nose, making Kenny’s cheeks be dusted with a light pink.

 

“Not a chance. Although..” He looped his arms around Kenny’s neck and pulled him in. He grinned, “I’ll let you have a bit of fun~” Kenny smirked and grabbed Kyle’s waist, bringing them even closer. Their lips were connected by a magnet of some sort. Once they locked, there was a force that couldn’t allow them to part. Kyle’s hand moved upwards to Kenny’s hair. The golden strands danced around his fingers like woven silk. Kenny removed his hands from Kyle’s sides and placed them on those freckled cheeks. The whole moment was more magical than anything they had ever done.

 

Sadly, every magic had a weakness. In Kenny and Kyle’s case, it was oxygen. They pulled apart a little less smoothly than how the whole thing was, but it didn’t ruin the experience in the slightest. They gave each other a dorky smile as they tried to catch their breath.

 

“Hello there Dad, didn’t see you come in,” a voice said from behind. Any trace of happiness from Kenny’s face had escaped at the sound. Kyle turned around and was met with the old, crestfallen face of Stewart McCormick.

 

Kyle never really liked Stewart; he never hated him either, even though he and Gerald Broflovski didn’t get along. Truth be told, he didn’t pay any mind to his significant other’s father when they were younger. He was just another parent, nothing special about that. Still, he was dating a McCormick now. Stewart was a person that he was going to be seeing a lot more, whether he liked it or not.

 

Kenny rolled his eyes, “Hello there son. How was your day?”

 

“Bad.” Stuart plopped right next to Kyle and took a swig of his beer. He wiped his mouth when he was done, then looked over at Kyle. “Everyone was being as annoying as usual. But, I did meet someone new today. And grab-ass is our  _ favorite _ game.” The red shifted a bit closer to Kenny. He wasn’t sure what was going on, all he knew was that this was confusing, uncomfortable, and felt weird. Kenny sensed the uneasy vibe Kyle was feeling and hugged him protectively. The contact was enough to make him calm down, even if it was only a little.

 

“ _ Actually  _ son, I’ve seen him around before,” Kenny retaliated, “a Broflovski. Don’t you remember that nice kid you used to be friends with?” Stewart analyzed Kyle for a moment. He scratched his beard.

 

“Now that you mention it Dad, I do recognize him. I just picked him up off the street for a one-night stand; who would’ve known that I was about to stick my pole into the son of your  _ backstabbing friend _ .” Kyle could feel Kenny’s hold on him tighten ever so slightly.

 

Shit, that comment pissed him off.

 

“Oh that’s fine son, you’re not doing me any harm,” Kenny said through gritted teeth.

 

“No, I think I am dad. I’m so sorry for betraying you like this.”

 

If the tension wasn’t bad before, it was now. It was thick enough that you could break it with a hammer; no knife could cut through that. Kyle chuckled nervously as he wriggled out of Kenny’s hold.

 

“Well uh, thanks for having me over, but I should go now. My mom’s making my favorite tonight. Spaghetti..with  _ lots _ of oregano. Ike loves it too,” he explained.

 

Kenny looked over at his dad, “Nice. Last time I saw my mom, she was on the bathroom floor. As for my siblings, one was selling $10 a pound, and the other was suffering from an illness. Right dad?” Stewart looked at the floor.

 

“Right son…”

 

Kyle frowned sympathetically. That’s right, Kenny had mentioned his family falling apart at the 7-Eleven a while ago. He kissed the blonde on the cheek and left the house.

 

When he stepped outside, he could hear an argument starting up from the McCormick household. Cartman appeared beside him, “Wow. His dad sure is charming.” Kyle rolled his eyes and began the walk home, praying that Kenny was ok.”

—————————————-————————————————————————————

_ October 4, 2018 _

 

_ Dear diary, _

 

_ So I reunited with Kenny’s father. Long story short, he is  _ _ not _ _ invited to our wedding. Seriously, I never felt so awkward before. I can tell he doesn’t approve of me for the simple reason that I’m Gerald Broflovski’s son. If you ask me, the whole thing with Stewart and my dad is stupid. I mean, they’re adults, just grow _

 

He stopped writing at the sound of his ringtone. Kyle picked it up with a tired tone, “Hello?”

 

_ “Kyle, thank the Lord you picked up! Leslie and I are at the farm at the edge of town!”  _ Butters said frantically. Kyle stood up in concern.

 

“Is everything ok?”

 

_ “Just hurry!” _

 

He wasted no time running downstairs, grabbing his parents’ car keys, and leaving the house.

—————————————-————————————————————————————

Kyle practically sped through the roads trying to get to the farm Butters and Leslie were at. When he arrived, he quickly parked and exited the vehicle. He saw his two friends in the distance and jogged towards them. “I’m here! I’m here..now what happened?” he asked in between breaths. 

 

“It’s Craig and Clyde. We were driving to the cemetery to pay our respects to Eric, but Clyde  saw this farm and pulled over,” Leslie explained.

 

Butters sighed, “A-and now, we’re being forced to stand in the mud. Why, it’s making my shoes all sticky..”

 

Kyle and Leslie looked at each other knowingly. “Butters, we’re on a farm with mostly cows on it. Get it?” Kyle asked.

 

He thought long and hard before finally figuring it out. “Shit.”

 

“Precisely,” Leslie responded.

 

“Wait, If Clyde and Craig were with you guys, where are they?” the redhead asked. It was then that they heard a loud moo in the distance, accompanied by Leslie rolled her eyes.

 

“They’re cow tipping. Classy, isn’t it?” Kyle frowned. He should have known, Clyde and Craig weren’t exactly the most mature duo out there. “How’d you get here?” Leslie asked out of the blue. He reached into his pockets and took out his parents’ car keys, shaking them for emphasis.

 

His friends looked at each other. Butters turned to the boy, “Can I see those for a moment Kyle?” Kyle, although he was hesitant, handed them over. He assumed that Leslie and Butters wanted to see the key so they could find out what car he used or something stupid like that. They  _ were _ very picky on what they were gonna be seen in, maybe they’d rather be stranded here than drive in an old pick up truck. But then, out of nowhere, Craig and Clyde were called over.

 

The jocks came as soon as possible. Butters tossed  _ Kyle’s  _ keys over to Craig. In exchange, he was given a small object by Clyde. Butters and Leslie turned around, but not before Kyle gripped their arms. “What the hell are you doing?” he seethed. 

 

They both yanked their arms out of his hold and walked away from him. Kyle looked back at Craig and.Clyde. Both of them were giving him a sly expression, like they wanted something from him. He didn’t want to stick around to find out what that was, so he stepped in the opposite direction.

 

He flinched at a hand grabbing his arm. “Where do you think you’re going?” Craig asked. His tone was the same as always, but considering the situation Kyle was in, it was terrifying to him. The raven continued, “You owe us a lot Broflovski.” Kyle raised a brow. What the hell did he owe to these bastards?

 

He then felt his phone buzz twice in his pocket. He took it out, everything was the same except for two new messages from Butters and Leslie.

 

Butters:  _ Hey Kyle, sorry for dragging you out there. Craig and Clyde told us that if we could get you to come, they would let us go home. I wasn’t going to at first, but Leslie said that Craig and Clyde were some of the hottest boys in school, so you would want it anyways. Have fun <3 _

 

Leslie:  _ Don’t do anything we wouldn’t do. _

 

Those ice-cold bitches set him up.

 

He yanked his arm away, “What do you mean I owe you something?” Craig rolled his eyes.

 

“You know, the least we can get is a thank you.”

 

“Thank you? For what?”

 

“For helping you rise to the top,” Clyde answered. He took off his varsity jacket and draped it over Kyle’s shoulders. He frowned and took it off, allowing it to fall in the manure. It’s owner pouted, “Come on Ky, we just wanted to say you’re welcome! And..Craig and I have been thinking, and we think that..that you’re cool, popular, and hot enough to be with us. So we think that the three of us should have some fun, right here, right now.”

 

Kyle scoffed. He didn’t want to be with them before, and he still thought they were douchebags. This whole thing furthered his point.

 

But he had to admit, he was scared. They were bigger than him, they had his keys, only the animals could hear him scream, and he was nowhere near home. He was a mouse in a trap-no wait, he was the cheese. He was nothing but bait for hungry rats, he was forced to be in the trap, and all the rats wanted was a taste of him. He knew that Craig and Clyde could easily force him into giving them what they wanted.

 

Craig looped his arm around Kyle’s waist, but it wasn’t anything like how Kenny did. It was tugging at his side, telling him to come closer or face the consequences. Clyde appeared at his left side and grabbed Kyle’s shoulders, sending the exact same message. When he didn’t respond to their touch, their hands slowly moved downwards.

 

He had enough.

 

Kyle pushed the two of them off. Of course, that wasn’t enough to make them fall to the ground, but a kick in Craig’s crotch had him falling to the floor, and a sweep of the leg resulted in the same fate for Clyde.

 

The two of them lied on the ground in pain. While Craig was too busy holding his area to stop Kyle from grabbing his keys from the jock’s pocket. He grinned, “Well, it’s been fun guys, but I should get going. A grand mix of pasta and oregano awaits me. See you in hell~” He proudly walked back to his parking spot, smiling as he heard Craig and Clyde’s conversation.

 

“Ugh, I was  _ really  _ hoping he’d fix my blue balls.”

 

“Same..do you smell that?”

 

“Yeah..”

 

There was a moment of silence before the two of them looked at each other in realization, “ _ Shit.”  _ Kyle laughed out loud and entered the car, driving off with a feeling of confidence. Tomorrow, he was going to give Leslie and Butters a piece of his mind. He didn’t care if he got kicked out of their stupid group, they escaped date rape by signing him up for it. Not even  _ Cartman  _ would stoop that low.

 

He had no idea what would happen the next day. How much this night would change his life. When tomorrow came, Kyle Broflovski would be executed. As for Craig and Clyde? Well, let’s just say that they would meet a similar fate.

 


	7. Our Love is God

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Craig and Clyde spread some rumors, leaving Kyle’s reputation in shambles. As Kyle weeped into Kenny’s chest, the blonde got an idea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter actually took forever OOF.
> 
> Thank you all for your patience :)
> 
> WARNING: Bullying and murderer

Aside from being the newest addition to the most popular group in school, betraying Tweek, dating Kenny, and accidentally murdering of the Demon King of high school, the events of senior year had been normal for Kyle. Rumors flew, insults were spat, people were hit, but for the first time in forever, he had been safe from all of that. Alas, he should’ve known better. After today, he realized that popularity wasn’t an automatic safety net.

 

The day started as simple as usual: he woke up, got ready for school, ate breakfast, and left. Nothing happened during the first half of the school day either, aside from a few stares. It was right before lunch time that things changed.

 

He and a few other students were walking to the cafeteria. He stopped when he noticed a pair of traitors going through a locker. Leslie was passing the most random objects to Butters. His arms were balancing a brush, a mirror, a magazine, and many more.

 

“Nope, no, that’s not it either,” Leslie muttered. Kyle lifted a brow and walked over.

 

“Leslie, Butters, I see you’re busy.” Leslie peeked out of the locker for a minute. When she saw it was Kyle, she sighed in relief and looked back in.

 

“Thank God it was you. I thought it was someone important for a minute.” He folded his arms in disgust.

 

“Excuse me? You can’t talk to me like that. In fact, I should be getting  _ an apology _ for last night. I could’ve been  _ raped _ , does that sit well in your stomach?”

 

Butters looked at the ground. “W-well we were being harassed too Kyle..” The red head frowned.

 

“I know, but you guys didn’t have to force me into that situation. I could’ve taken you two home,” he narrowed his eyes, “instead, you used me for bait against the wolves.” Leslie continued to pass items to Butters, clearly not listening to Kyle. He scoffed, “Wow Leslie, I’m giving a speech about how there are different ways to solve problems then betraying your friends, the least you can do is  _ pay attention _ .”

 

He heard a feminine groan. She poked her head out once again, “Kyle, you should know better. You’re talking about something that happened last night while I’m cleaning out Eric’s locker. How about you show some respect?”

 

Kyle tilted his head, unaware that this was  _ Cartman’s  _ locker. He assumed that Leslie was cleaning out her own. Speaking of the devil, the boy appeared next to him. He witnessed his old cronies cleaning out  _ his _ locker and grimaced. “AY! Stop looking through my locker you fucking bitch!” he screamed at Leslie. The raven couldn’t hear him, however. He huffed before he realized there was an alternative solution to his problem. He turned to Kyle and gave a smile so sickeningly sweet, Kyle could feel his dental health deteriorating. “Kahl,” he said in a soft voice, “be a doll and tell Leslie and Butters to stop touching my stuff.” He didn’t respond to the plea, making Cartman’s smile falter. “Kyle...tell them to stop.” Silence. “KAHL!”

 

He shut his eyes, “SHUT UP!” Cartman wasn’t amused. Neither was Leslie. She peeked out and shut Cartman’s locker.

 

“Actually Kyle, you shut up. I don’t have to shut up anymore.” She raised her arm and revealed Cartman’s symbol of power, his red and white poof ball hat. Many students stopped what they were doing to watch her place the crown on her head. She gave a sly smile, “Eric Cartman is gone, and it’s up to me to replace him.”

 

Butters lifted a brow. “Why do  _ you  _ have to be his replacement? I’m fit for the job!” he interjected.

 

Kyle folded his arms, “And so am I.”

 

Their rebuttal earned a scoff from Leslie. “ _ Please _ .” She pointed at Butters, “Everyone knows that you would let people push you around. We can’t have you damaging our reputation. And Kyle, with  _ your  _ reputation right now? That’s just not happening. I’m the only one who can be the leader.” She began putting Eric’s things back in their place. Kyle, realizing that there was nothing he could do, shrugged it off and decided to continue his way to the cafeteria. But he stopped once Leslie’s words replayed in his head.

 

“Wait a minute, what do you mean by “your reputation right now?” My reputation is just fine!” he said defensively. She shut Eric’s locker.

 

“No it’s not,” she said, “in fact, why are you still talking to me? You should be telling everyone that you didn’t sleep with Craig and Clyde.”

 

What the fuck did she just say?

 

Butters decided to open his mouth, “Y-yeah..the boys have been telling everyone that there was a big..a big..”

 

“Sword fight in your mouth,” a student finished. The girl next to her smiled.

 

“And he allowed it?’ she said amusedly, “wow Kyle, didn’t know you were  _ that  _ type of guy.” Kyle narrowed his eyes.

 

“Shut up!” he yelled, “I didn’t do anything! Craig and Clyde are a bunch of-“

 

“I’m telling you, Kyle Broflovski was out of control last night!” Clyde bragged to his peers as they walked around the corner. “Definitely beat any wet dream I’ve ever had.”

 

Craig rested his hand on his friend’s shoulders, “If you guys like screamers, go to him. Ky wouldn’t mind.” Kyle turned a bright red as he heard the snickers of the people around him.

 

Fuck, this  _ was not  _ happening.

 

“What was the best part?” Nelly asked him, obviously trying to set Kyle off.

 

The jocks looked at Kyle straight in the eye. Clyde smiled as he gave his answer, “Definitely when we both went south. Hearing his cries were nothing short of satisfactory.”

 

He stomped over pushed Clyde as rough as he could. Clyde stumbled backwards while Craig grabbed the angry boy’s wrist, “Whoa. Calm down, we’re only telling everyone that you’re a freak.” When Clyde regained his balance, he latched onto Kyle’s other arm.

 

“Yeah, it’s not our fault you’re _a_ _slut_.” Kyle growled as he heard his peers laughing at his expense. 

 

“You’ve had your fun, now get your fucking hands off me,” he ordered.

 

“With pleasure.”

 

They threw him forward. As he lied on the floor in pain, the events of September ran through his mind. He went from being a nobody, to being well respected, to being labeled the cruel word Clyde used, all because he didn’t give  _ them  _ what they wanted. Isn’t that what he was supposed to do? Actually, that wasn’t the only question he had. Why was he lying on the floor? Why were they calling him names? Why was no one helping him? 

 

What would Kenny say?

 

Fuck, he forgot about Kenny. He sat up immediately to look for his boyfriend in the crowd. He was nowhere to be seen. And for a second, that comforted Kyle. But then the possibility that word had already reached Kenny, and he was avoiding him.

 

He couldn’t help it. Hot tears streamed down his face, right in front of a crowd that was already ridiculing him. That didn’t help his case whatsoever. The taunts only grew louder and louder, to the point where he couldn’t hear his own thoughts.

 

“Kyle? Oh my God, what happened?” a kind, yet angry voice said. He felt two arms wrap around him, and suddenly, his world seemed a little less lonely. A hand stroked his hair as he sobbed into his hero’s chest.

 

Even after disappearing for 8 years, Kenny still tried his best to comfort whoever needed it.

 

“Oh my God, he’s got another one just like him wrapped around his finger!” Red mocked, stimulating even  _ more _ laughter. Kenny narrowed his eyes at her, then leaned into Kyle’s ear.

 

“They lied about you, didn’t they?” Kyle nodded slowly, still refusing to look up. He was ashamed of himself.

 

Kenny looked up at Craig and Clyde, both of which were imitating choking noises. He growled, “What is your problem?” They looked at him.

 

“What? Angry your boyfriend enjoyed our dicks more than yours? At least that’s what he told us. Said that yours wasn’t enough for him,” Craig teased. Kenny could feel Kyle’s grip on his shirt tighten at that comment. Nevertheless, Craig wouldn’t shut up, “He’s still crying? Wow. And what do you know, he’s crying the exact same way he was when he saw how big I was. What are the chances?”

 

Kyle’s grip grew stronger. It was then that Kenny heard a faint whisper coming from him.

 

“It’s not true, it’s not true, it’s not true,” a weak, vulnerable voice spoke to him, repeating the words like they were a part of a spell. Kyle was speaking to him, telling him that nothing happened.

 

He didn’t care about anyone else, he just wanted Kenny to believe him.

 

Kenny tilted Kyle’s chin up, forcing him to look up at him. He gave him a soft smile, reassuring Kyle that everything was gonna be ok, that no matter what, he would always be by his side. The red head seemed a little less shaken, happy, even. Kenny stood and held out a hand, which Kyle took with no hesitation. Thanks to him, he was on his feet again.

 

But as always, Clyde and Craig had to ruin the moment. “Just bend over for him!” Clyde yelled, “right in front of everyone!” Kyle rolled his eyes and tugged on Kenny’s arm. Kenny knew the rumors weren’t true, and that was all that mattered to him.

 

“Come on Ken, let’s go.” But Kenny couldn’t seem to let go of the fact that these meatheads were making a fool of someone who changed his life for the better. Why were they doing this? Kyle didn’t do  _ anything _ to them. Why was everyone laughing at him? Kyle would’ve helped them out. What if these rumors affected Kyle’s future? It had happened to many people before, why would he be excluded? The more he thought about it, the more angry he got. And the angrier he got, the more he thought about kicking Craig and Clyde’s asses.

 

So he pat Kyle on the back, stomped over, and punched Craig Tucker right in the stomach. Craig let out a grunt, and for a moment, Kenny felt satisfied. But all of that ended at the sudden pain he felt in his cheek.

 

In his moment of cockiness, he had forgotten about Clyde. The brunette kneed him in the stomach, sending off another wave of pain. When Craig recovered from the punch, he assisted Clyde and kicked Kenny to the floor. It wasn’t long before Kenny’s intentions made him switched his role as predator. A few more kids decided to join in on their fun little game of “beat the shit out of Kenny because why the hell not”.

 

Kyle gasped at the horrid sight. He walked over and forced the students off of Kenny, ignoring the harsh words they threw at him. He pushed off Craig and Clyde last. When he did, Clyde whispered something into his ear.

 

“Good luck building your reputation back up  _ whore _ .” With a cackle, the two of them walked away, along with any bystanders. Kyle watched them all walk away.

 

He was a fool to think anything had changed.

 

Kyle sat on the floor next to a bruised Kenny, “Ken? Ken look at me, are you ok?” He heard his name being called and looked up, only to be met with puffy, red eyes. He felt a hand reach his cheek. It hurt to be touched, but the pain turned into a flower of concern and love that bloomed elegantly, all from the palm of Kyle’s hand. How beautiful.

 

He forced a smile. “Yeah, I’m ok. What about you?” Kyle stayed silent for a moment. Was he fine? He was just humiliated because two idiots didn’t know how to take no for an answer.

 

“I….I don’t know..All I know is that I deserve better..” he answered. He suddenly shook his head, “No, I don’t. After what I did to Tweek, I deserve  _ nothing _ .” The last voice dripped with pain and remorse. Once again, he felt tears roll down his cheek. He quickly wiped them away, “Sorry for the waterworks...I’m such a pussy..”

 

“Don’t say things that aren’t true,” Kenny responded as he sat up. “Cry, scream, punch me, do anything you want to for now. Having emotions doesn’t make you a pussy, or a coward, or whatever the hell people say now.” Kyle gave him a smile, one that Kenny didn’t like. It wasn’t the true, pure, happy and heartfelt smile he was so fond of. This one was pained, sad, and forced, all because of Craig Tucker and Clyde Donovan.

 

Kenny suddenly realized that he wanted to hurt anyone that harmed Kyle, just like he wanted to hurt anyone that harmed Karen when she was alive. Such a pretty face shouldn’t have had a frown upon it. 

 

Why shouldn’t karma collect some debts?

 

He kissed Kyle’s forehead, “Don’t worry, I’ve got the perfect plan. We’re going to get back at them, even if kills us.” Kyle suddenly felt joy inside of him at the idea of revenge. But he and Kenny-he realized this later-had two completely different ideas of revenge. 

 

He found this out the hard way.

  * —•



“I’m just saying man, tacos beat hamsters any day,” Clyde stated as he grabbed a tortilla chip and dipped it in some salsa. He threw it in his mouth and chewed it sloppily. Craig watched bits of the snack soar into the air with disgust.

 

“Number one, if you’re gonna eat in my room, at least eat properly,” he said with a wave of his middle finger, “number two, hamsters are sweet, but I’m talking about guinea pigs you ignorant fuck. Three, your opinion is invalid, and I hope that when guinea pigs take over the world, you’re their first victim.” Clyde swallowed the chunky remains of his chip and frowned.

 

“Maybe we got the details wrong earlier today. Maybe you were the one who got a dick shoved up your ass. Or maybe it wasn’t a dick, and it was a pole instead. Or maybe you’ve always had a stick up your ass, you sure as hell act like you do,” he jabbed. Craig pushed his best friend off the bed, smiling when he heard Clyde groaning in pain. Most people would see this as being an asshole, but frankly, Craig and Clyde had been friends for a long time. This was just regular behavior for them. It’s like how Wendy called Bebe a bitch and Bebe would respond with, “You’re right, I need one. You should be mine, you match the role perfectly,” and they would start laughing hysterically.

 

Clyde flipped him off from the floor, “I should replace you with a taco.”

 

“Please, you’d just eat me.”

 

Clyde stood up and flopped onto the bed with a smile. He looked at Craig, “I won’t deny that.”

 

Craig wanted to respond with a witty remark, but he couldn’t. Something else was on his mind. It wouldn’t leave him alone, no matter what he said or did. He knew he couldn’t ignore it, but he wanted to. Regardless, he turned to Clyde. “Hey, do you feel bad about making all that stuff up about Kyle?” he asked.

 

Clyde didn’t say anything at first. Craig knew that he was giving it actual thought. Despite all the things that he and his best friend did, they weren’t heartless.They had emotions, they regretted certain things. Clyde was always asking himself why he was such a creep, and not a moment went by when Craig pondered why he hit someone innocent. It was one of the worst parts of growing up: you do things that you know are wrong, and you want to change, but most of the time, it’s nearly impossible. Either you don’t believe in yourself or people don’t believe in you.

 

Eventually, Clyde let out a sigh. “I..I do. I know it was so Leslie could be the only one who could be in power, but it’s still a terrible thing to do. Don’t get me wrong, Kyle’s pretty fucking hot. Hell, I  _ wish  _ we had a threesome with him. Still, it sucked and it was wrong and he was crying and we ruined his reputation and he won’t ever-“

 

“Clyde,” Craig interrupted. The brunette nodded solemnly and stayed shut. Craig looked at the ground, “To be honest, I think it had nothing to do with Leslie. I think that deep down, we were angry with him about last night.” If that wasn’t the truth. After Kyle had left, the two of them were  _ livid _ . That was nothing short of embarrassing for them.  _ He didn’t give us what we wanted, how dare he! _ , that was the only thought going through their head. So when Leslie had suggested making up rumors, they gladly obliged.

 

Clyde shrugged. “Probably. I won’t deny the satisfaction I felt when he burst into tears. That doesn’t mean I didn’t feel guilty.” His face suddenly scrunched up, “I don’t feel bad about Kenny though. That guy needed to be put in his place. I mean, come on. You disappear for almost a decade, come back like it’s nothing, kick two jocks’ asses, get the hottest guy in school, and try to beat up those two jocks again? Hell no, that’s not gonna fly.”

 

Craig nodded in agreement. “McCormick deserved all of that.”

 

A bad remix of some song about tacos suddenly came from Clyde’s pocket. He took out his phone and gasped. He looked at Craig and whispered, “ _ It’s Kyle _ .” Craig’s expression was the same as usual, but he was still surprised.

 

“Well what are you waiting for? Answer!” Craig said in a slightly demanding voice.

 

Clyde pressed the answer button and put the phone on speaker. “H-hello?” he asked shakily.

 

“ _ Hey Clyde. It’s me, Kyle. Kyle Broflovski. _ ”

 

“Oh hey Kyle. Did ya need something?”

 

“ _ Oh no, not really. I just wanted to ask you a question _ ,” his voice suddenly grew seductive, “ _ how did you know that it was always a fantasy of mine to have two guys at once? _ ”

 

Ok, now Craig’s expression changed. His eyes widened while his brows knitted together. What the hell did this kid just say? Clyde, on the other hand, was nervous.

 

“W-what?” he practically shrieked. A soft giggle could be heard.

 

“ _ You heard me cutie. How did you know that I’ve wanted to be in a relationship with two guys? Especially guys like you and Craig.”  _

 

“W-well I..um...lucky guess?” he answered, although it sounded more like a question.

 

_ “Well, if you want it to come true, then both of you can meet me at the cemetery, at dawn. Goodbye for-“ _

 

“What about Kenny?” he blurted out. Craig facepalmed and mouthed, “You idiot!” Clyde physically cringed at his own comment. Craig promised himself one thing: if Clyde’s comment blew this for them, he was going to his friend’s funeral very soon.

 

It seemed as though God was on Craig’s side today(that or he just really liked Clyde), because Kyle simply responded with, “ _ Your dicks are probably way better than his. So if you want to, meet me tomorrow and prove me right. Sound good? _ ”

 

Clyde let out a low, “Uh-huh..”

 

_ “Perfect. I look forward to seeing you boys tomorrow.”  _ He sent them a kiss over the phone before hanging up. Clyde dropped it in shock. Craig just stared.

 

“Dude..” Clyde said, “we just got ourselves a free piece of ass.” He beamed, “And we don’t have to buy it a taco!”

 

“Guinea pig,” Craig corrected, “but other than that, I’m  _ so  _ happy.”

 

“High five!”

  * —•



Kyle rested his phone in the bed with a feeling of disgust. They were obviously excited after that, gross. Kenny on the other hand was laughing his ass off. Kyle narrowed his eyes and threw a pillow at his boyfriend, who screamed. “Stop laughing you dork,” Kyle said.

 

Kenny smirked, “How about no?” He walked over to his beat up wooden drawer, opened it up, and started rummaging through his stuff. He finally found what he was looking for a pulled out two guns. Kyle’s eyes widened.

 

He walked over, “That’s fake, right?” Kenny shook his head, only making Kyle more nervous. 

 

“Don’t worry, we’re filling them with ich luge bullets.” Kyle tilted his head. Something about what Kenny said had sounded familiar. He swear he heard someone say it a while back. But no matter how far he went into his memory, he couldn’t remember the true meaning. So he asked Kenny what that meant.

 

He froze up at Kyle’s unexpected question, like it was something that touched sensitive territory. He cleared his throat and answered, “Good question. It mean..uh...“false act” in German. Yeah..that’s what it means.” The way he acted, it made Kyle uneasy. But his instincts told him to trust his childhood friend.

 

“So false act bullets?” He nodded and waved the gun around.

 

“Yes sir. My grandpa scored ‘em in World War II. They contain this powerful tranquilizer. In fact, the Nazis used them to fake their own suicides when the Russians invaded Berlin. We will use them to knock Craig and Clyde out to make it look like a suicide pact. And the cherry on top is this suicide note.” He reached into the pocket of his jeans, pulled out a piece of paper, and showed it to Kyle. He looked it over, and he couldn’t help but laugh a little.

 

The paper could be summarised as, “We died because we had to hide our gay forbidden love from this judgemental world.” He smirked, “I like it.” Kenny folded the paper and put it away. He handed Kyle a pistol.

 

“I had a feeling you would. Now,” his eyes glittered with excitement, “ready to hunt some jocks?”

 

That phrase made him feel weird too. Hunt? This was only so Craig and Clyde would know what it was like to be laughed  _ at _ . Why would Kenny say something like that?

 

Once again, Kyle ignored the voice in his head that was promoting suspicion and kissed his boyfriend on the cheek. “As ready as I’ll ever be.”

  * —•



Dawn had dragged Kyle and Kenny out of their beds and took them to the cemetery, where Kenny hid behind a tree. The red head stood “alone” in the grass, surrounded by gravestones. He wondered if his grandma was watching him at this very moment, or even screaming at him to stop, that this was all a bad idea. Maybe she was right, maybe this whole thing was wrong. 

 

“Hey Kyle~”

 

He looked up and saw their targets: Craig Tucker and Clyde Donovan. Oh well, there was no backing out now. He smiled, “Hey boys. How have you been?”

 

“Good, good,” Clyde answered. “So..do we just whip it out or what?” Kyle had to stop himself from visibly cringing. If that wasn’t the worst thing he’d ever heard. He forced himself to laugh.

 

“You’re hilarious, Clyde. But nope. Let’s take it slow, shall we? Strip for me.”

 

Craig and Clyde glanced at each other, chuckled awkwardly, and began to remove their clothing. Kyle was surprised to see a bracelet on Craig’s arm when he took off his varsity jacket. It was colorful and filled with childlike wonder. Each thread had a unique color attached to it. It practically danced with life. He smiled, “Nice bracelet, dude.”

 

Craig’s head shot up. He gave Kyle a dirty look, “Are you being sarcastic? Cause if you are, I don’t care how hot you are, I’m punching you in the face.” Kyle nearly fell backwards. He wasn’t expecting for him to react so aggressively.

 

“What? No, I like it.” Craig’s anger faded dramatically; in its place was a mixture of relief, happiness, and approval.

 

“Good. No one, and I mean  _ no one _ , is allowed to make fun of my bracelet,” he stated firmly. Clyde gave a heart warming smile.

 

“When did she put it on you?” he asked. Craig returned the gesture while Kyle wondered who Clyde was referring to. He couldn’t think of anyone that meant so much to Craig.

 

“She gave it to me five years ago, at the tiny age of seven,” he answered. Craig ran his finger across the blue thread, “I haven’t taken it off since.” It hit him; Craig Tucker was wearing a bracelet given to him by his little sister. That was the girl that Craig didn’t want anyone mocking or hurting. She was a treasure to him, just like Ike was to Kyle, and Karen was to Kenny when she was alive. He felt his stomach tie itself up as he realized that these jocks were human, and that there was more to them than what meets the eye. 

 

Kyle tried to ignore the guilt laying in his gut. “Adorable. She’s very good.” The way that Craig reacted earlier, you could tell that most people made fun of him for keeping such a childish thing on his arm. So Kyle’s comments were very much appreciated.

 

He blushed a light pink, “Thanks. Now,” he eyed his body, “what about your clothes?”

 

He peeked up, “Oh! Uh..well I was kinda hoping that you could rip them off?” The two jocks looked at each other eagerly. They turned to Kyle and nodded. He smiled, “Ok. Count of three...one...two..”

 

“Three.”

 

Two gunshots echoed throughout the cemetery, one from Kenny, the other from Kyle. Clyde Donovan fell backwards with a bleeding hole in his chest. His eyes were wide and his pupils were dilated, like he had seen his worst nightmare.

 

Craig didn’t say anything. He didn’t kneel to check on Clyde or curse Kyle and Kenny out. Nope, he started running as far away as he could.

 

“Aw man I missed..” Kyle said, “oh well, it was-“

 

“Stay here, I’ll get him,” Kenny instructed. He smiled and chased his next victim, “Craig~CRAIG, YOU FUCKER!” 

 

“You killed him! You fucking killed him!”

 

Kyle took in Craig’s words with amusement. Clyde wasn’t dead, he was just unconscious. Kenny said so himself.

 

In fact, he could prove it.

 

Yeah, he could do it right now. He slowly walked right over, just to show Craig that he was wrong. His ear came in contact with Clyde’s chest patiently awaiting the sound of a heartbeat.

 

….fuck.

 

His nervous smile disappeared from his face. Craig was telling the truth, Clyde wasn’t in their world anymore. He stood up and walked backwards; what had he done?

 

Craig suddenly came back running towards him. Kenny was behind him. “Shoot Kyle, shoot!” he yelled.

 

Out of fear, he pulled the trigger. Craig fell back the same way Clyde did. The two jocks, once vibrant, cocky, and full of life, were now bleeding out next to each other. Kenny placed the note in Clyde’s hand, a perfect cherry on top.

 

Kyle stared at the corpses in horror. Hot tears rolled down his eyes as he realized that this was their doing. 

 

“What the  _ fuck _ have we done..?” he choked out. He started to cry hysterically, “What the fuck have we done?” A rough and calloused hand touched his shoulder.

 

“We did something beautiful.”

 

Kyle looked up. The sight in front of him was terrifying. Kenny had a huge smile on his face, the one that he adored so much. But after what he did, he couldn’t look at it the same. This wasn’t the Kenny McCormick he knew and loved. This was a monster.

 

He gasped as Kenny pulled him into a comforting hug. He felt trapped, like he was going to suffocate at any given moment. 

 

This wasn’t beautiful or Godlike. No, this was chaotic.


End file.
